Exhausted after three days of travel, yet I can't sleep.   It's 1:40 in the morning here in Zimbabwe  and I'm still running on adrenaline.  I'm fascinated by the culture and the graciousness of a marginalized people that have so little, but are willing to give so much.  I'm already wrestling with the thought that I came here to better understand how we could help, but I feel like they are helping me more by changing my paradigm as to how we see the world.

We spent the day driving through the city of Bulawayo and buying supplies for our trip to Tuloche later this morning.  We will leave early this morning as it will take us two and a half hours to arrive at a community with a hundred children that have stayed in this village since Sunday night once they heard of our coming.  These children of all ages have "slept in their clothes" as they call it to see us.  See, many of these orphans will travel a day by foot to worship with a church that provides a sponsorship through Horizon International for their education, food, clothing and clean water.  They have not returned to their caregivers in order to see us.  

Tonight may be the first time that a roster that has crowed all night long hasn't bothered me.  I found out today, as our host was showing us his garden, that the fifteen or so chickens that he is raising will be given to an orphan to have as their own food supply.  Each time I see how this community, even though separated by large distances, cares for one another it reminders me of Acts four as the church met one another's needs.  They are showing me how you can have a deep love for someone you may not meet for another few hours. It's truly humbling.

The joyous thing that I have had the privilege of seeing now on several different continents is that precious and impoverished people don't recognize their circumstances they way I see them.  They have a joy.  The smiles are abundant and the laughter can be heard so frequently that it's  contagious.  Their joy is not captured by the thought of more things or even more money.  They see life in a moment at a time.  Their not thinking about next month or even tomorrow for that matter, but they  have tremendous needs... Or do they?  

Lord help me this week to see through your eyes.  Help me to realize I'm not here to fix something or to solve a problem that only exists in my mind.  I want to better understand this joy unspeakable that wont go away when there's just enough time to live for today.  So I'll never have to worry what tomorrow will bring cause I'm counting on God.

                                                                                                                             

                                                                                                                         September 10, 2012

 As a father I have the privilege of playing some of the classic childhood games that I loved as a kid, now with my own children.  However, with my children they don't seem to work the same way.  See Carter, my son with Fragile X, never quite seems to grasp the concept of certain games.  Hide and Seek is his favorite game and he can play it for hours.  The difference lies in the way the game ends for him.  You see when I count and I go looking for him he gets too nervous to hide and whenever I get to close he jumps out and screams, "Here I am!"  Always with the same enthusiasm as the fifteen games before.

Throughout the course of Carters life he has shown me things that reveal the face and heart of God with great clarity.  Even in the midst of an innocent child-like game I see God's desire for me.  Each and every time I watch my son jump out of hiding to declare his presence I want to correct his understanding and help him play the game right, but I can't.  See Carter finds great joy in being found even if he is the one making certain that everyone knows where he is.  He doesn't like hiding.  His heart would burst if he thought someone left him behind or forgot him.  He wants to be known.

I wish I didn't like hiding so much.  Not like hiding in a game, but in life.  I totally get the garden scene where Adam and Eve hid from God.  That makes so much sense to me even if it was God they were hiding from.  I hide my sin like no one will find it.  I hide my emotions the same way.  As an extrovert most would say I'm pretty transparent, but that is only partly true.  I'm transparent with the safe stuff.  Even the edgy stuff that I promote as part of my past I will put out there for most to see, but not the real stuff that consumes me today.  You could say that I'm a pro at Hide and Seek, but the problem is I'm hiding the wrong things and failing to seek the one that heals.

 Now at first glance one might think both the writer and the writing here is a bit gloomy, but quite the contrary.  If you haven't followed my writing before you might miss the fact that I primarily only write when I see God moving in His Word while it converges with my life.  Isaiah 65:1 says, "I permitted Myself to be sought by those who did not ask for Me; I permitted Myself to be found by those who did not seek Me, I said, "Here am I, here am I," to a nation which did not call on My name."  Today I write because I recognize that God is allowing me to find Him even when I haven't been seeking Him.  Couching in my dark corner hoping the light will not reveal my heart is not an option any longer.  He found me.  He redeemed me.  He loves me and holds each and every part of my life regardless of how hard I try to hide.

                                                                                                                          July 23, 2012

What's the difference between hope and living hope?  1 Peter 1:3-9 speaks to the reality that my common day idea of hope is so inadequate.  In my family we hope the Bronco's will make it back to the Superbowl.  I hope my kids don't break something today.  I hope my lunch is better than yesterday.  I hope in a lot of things that really, at the end of the day, carry with them very little concern or consequence if they never come to fruition... except the Bronco's and the Superbowl of course. Living hope is a drastically different understanding when I speak of the hope I have in my Lord and Savior.

Regardless of the realities that overwhelm my life I understand something that changes my perspective that most of the world doesn't understand.  Today is not really about today.  See many of us wake up wondering about today and what difficulties we may face through out it, but what if I saw those difficulties as the very thing that made my future even sweeter?  What if the trials were only a measuring stick to determine the proof of my faith?  Peter talks about the proof of my faith resulting in a greater understanding of praise, glory, and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.  So if I understand this right it means that as my faith strengthens because of the trial then my understanding of his glory will be even greater.

So today, and the trials within it, really becomes about the testing of my faith so that my future may understand a greater depth of His presence and the joy inexpressible of knowing Him.  Understanding a living hope is a paradigm shift in our understanding of the word hope.  It transforms this word that communicates a mere desire for a desired outcome into a understanding that our hearts lock onto something as a pit bull does to a bone.  It's knowing that I don't let go of something until the moment of my choosing, not the worlds.  My hope is locked onto the fact that my King will be returning during or after this temporal stint in a world filled with suffering and pain.  That hope understands that when He does return there is an inheritance that will not pass away as a result of my faith in His salvation.

Father allow me to see the trials and difficulties as they are, trials for the purification of my faith.  Allow me to hold on to this living hope as dearly as life itself.  Thank you for allowing me to see that this journey is not about making my name famous, but yours.  Thank for loving me and allowing me to see the goodness of your character even in the midst of this fallen world.  I love you Father.

                                                                                                                                 July 21, 2012

I write today as a weary and tired father.  I'm tempted to keep this post private like I have so many others regarding my journey as an adoptive parent. I've been angry, sad, and disappointed at so many different points on this road and I maintain the opinion that adoption has been my greatest challenge in both ministry and life. Don't get me wrong, there have been moments of great joy and pride that have come from the progression of my children and their steps to growing up, but the steps are painstaking at times.  I hate sounding jaded.  I don't like to complain, never have.  However, there are times when being real about my stage of life demands honesty about how I feel and what I need from my God and Father. 

Today I read Hebrews 2 and I had to ask what it looks like for God to give help.  Hebrews 2:16 through 18 both speak to God coming to the aid and help of those that need Him.  I've been in ministry now for sixteen years and I understand what it means to have a redemptive Father.  I know Him as a sacrifice for my sins. I'll never be able to fully comprehend that, but as glorious as it is to know the depths of my salvation there are moments where my eternal inheritance does not carry the weight of today.

"Come to me all who are heavy laden and I will give you rest."  This verse sounds good and I understand it to read as a promise, but it is contingent on me coming to Him first.  It's a tough place when you get so jaded you don't even want to come to Him, but it's real.  We close off and hold the world at bay.  The continued on slot of daily struggles keep us from ever caring about His promises.  It's in those moments we recognize mercy.  That leads me to my next blog...

Father, I need strength and wisdom to be the man you called me to be.  Never let this life be the focus of my struggle, but the prize of knowing your glorious presence.  Hold my family in your grip and allow me to see the tangible presence of your power and grace.  I love you Father.

                                                                                                     April 30, 2012

I've often criticized traditions or customs from older days that I felt were outdated or unnecessary without ever understanding why those practices were there in the first place.  A large part of that immaturity in my life is rooted in arrogance that thinks my ways are better.  The older I get the more I see this in me and I work diligently at breaking this prideful mindset.  Today's reading in 2 Samuel 6:3 showed me once again that God's ways don't need my input or expertise to improve them, but that obedience to the old ways will do just fine.

Here we have King David doing a good thing in bringing the ark of God back to the city of David, but there is a small detail that sticks out in my mind.  In verse 3 is states, "They placed the ark of God on a new cart that they might bring it from the house of Abinadab which was on the hill; and Uzzah and Ahio, the sons of Abinadab, were leading the new cart." I'm sure everyone thought this moment would be filled with joy and excitement as they danced and celebrated the return of the ark, but instead if was one of grief and loss as they gave way to their own arrogance.  In the midst of doing something great they brought their new and improved ways to the event and forgot the instructions of the Lord.  Some young guy like myself thought to himself, "Why not use a new cart that will make things easier and faster?  I'm sure no one wants to use those old acacia wood polls and have to lug that heavy thing down the mountain."  However, when the ox stumbled and Uzzah put his hand on the ark to settle it, it cost him his life.

Here is the problem with our way of thinking, it's not God's way of thinking.  When God gives clear direction in my life His desire is not for me to improve it, it's to obey it.  If I'm ever going to understand a depth of maturity in my walk with Christ I have to put my ego aside and understand a humbleness that leads to a right understanding of my place before Christ.  God doesn't need my help to make the christian life easier or more productive.  He needs me to come to a place of reliance and understanding that His Ways are enough and that sometimes the heart of what I deem tradition has a rightful place and purpose in this spiritual journey.

Father today I want to acknowledge that I'm not always comfortable with your ways, but I want to be.  I want to depend on You for my direction and purpose.  I want to trust in You with all my heart and lean not in my own understanding.  I want to acknowledge Your ways in order for You to direct my path.  I want to grow in You.  Thank you for loving me in spite of my pride.  I love You Father.

                                                                                                                                           April 5, 2012

The older I get the more and more I feel like I'm not at home here.  I'm not talking about Pueblo, CO or even the past places of Hawaii or Denver.  I'm talking about earth.  It's that feeling that everything seems foreign or out of place in my mind.  It's that round peg in a square hole feeling.  It's not a glaring thing or even an unsettling thing, it's just a feeling that seems to drip its influence into regular everyday life.

Today I read Ruth 1 & 2, Psalm 53 & 61 and 2 Corinthians 5.  It's Paul's words in 2 Cor. that permeate within me.  These are words that bring great courage and hope into the future that my Father has for me.  The words of Paul are words that speak to a great future and home.  It's found in 2 Cor. 5:8 that says, "We are of good courage, I say, and prefer rather to be absent from the body and to be at home with the Lord."  To be at home is a good feeling after a long trip or a long day at work.  There is something about home that makes life a little more settled and calming.  However, the thought of being at home with the Lord is an amazing thought that brings me great joy.  It allows me to understand that this isn't as good as it's going to get.

I've been criticized before by believers that feel that I have some death wish or that I don't cherish life here as I should.  It's not that I don't dearly love my family or enjoy the ministry that God has blessed me with, but it's a soul thing.  There is something in my heart that constantly reminds me that I'm not at home here.  The beauty of that unsettled feeling is what produces an ambition to please Him here in what I do.  And within that ambition it makes the thought of that moment I enter eternity with my King a sweeter experience. It's kind of like when I walk through the door after a long day and say, "Honey, I'm home."  and I hear my kids yell, "Daddy's home!" and life settles for a brief moment.  It's that moment when I scream, "Daddy I'm home!" and know that He enjoys the thought of his child being home that reminds me that He loves me deeper than I truly understand.  But until then, I understand that verse 15 remains... "and He died for all, so that they who live might no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died and rose again on their behalf."

Father, today I recognize your goodness that has been demonstrated on my behalf.  Thank You for dieing for me and stirring my spirit to acknowledge my need for You.  May my heart, mind, soul and spirit be focused on You and Your desires for my life.  I want to understand faithfulness in my walk and my words as I seek to serve You and your Bride.  Thank You Father for all that You have done and I say thank You for all that I know You are going to do.  Father, I love You....

                                                                                                                                               April 2, 2012

I had dinner the other night with a guy that made the statement, "I don't judge nobody."  That statement stuck in my mind for a few days as I asked myself the question, "How often do I really judge others in my everyday life?"  Today as I was reading in the book of Judges, without realizing it, I answered that question in my heart with unsettling clarity.  The Word revealed that I have a tendency to frequently gauge my place before God in accordance with how God viewed people of status in scripture.  What I mean by that is simple.  I think I'm better than people, well, not better than them, I just think God loves me more.  That's messed up, right?

Well, today I was reading about Sampson in Judges 13-16.  Here Sampson's life is chronicled from his birth to his death in just three chapters.  But these three chapters are full of excerpts that were pivotal life moments. Monumental moments that I might just pass over if I were in a hurry to read through this book.  These moments clarify his calling as a Nazirite, they detail his lifestyle as a womanizer, they capture his anger and they point to his pride and arrogance as a man of great strength.  He marries a Philistine women against the wishes of his parents.  He spends the night with a harlot in Gaza after his wife dies. He burns the crops of the Philistines by catching three hundred foxes, and taking a torch, and then he turned the foxes tail to tail while putting the torch in the middle between the two tails. This is anger at its finest.  He allows Delilah, another women he's just sleeping with, to deceive him. He willing placed himself in a place of temptation and he ends up giving up his secret to his God given strength after she lies to him three times.  His arogance puts him in a place that ultimately led to his capture, torture and death by his own hands.

So much to talk about there, but the bottom line came in the last verse of chapter sixteen. Judges 16:31 "Then his brothers and all his father's household came down, took him, brought him up and buried him between Zorah and Eshtaol in the tomb of Manoah his father. Thus he had judged Israel twenty years." What? Did that just say he had judged Israel for twenty years?  I didn't read anything about him judging the people of Israel.  I read three chapters about a guy that lived a pitiful lifestyle and allowed his poor choices to ultimately place him in captivity... Then I heard it clearly, "So you think you're better than him?"  If I'm going to be honest in my writing I have to say that my answer was way to quick..."Yes".  If God used him than I'm gold!  I flipped through all my life choices that I've propped myself up with to make me feel superior and said I'm better than him.  Then God showed up like he normally does and said, "Not on your best day are you worth more than a pile of minstrel rages in my sight."  Today I was reminded of the power of God's grace.  My life apart from Christ is worthless.  It's Christ in me that gives me my worth as His adopted child.  Through the redeeming message of Christ on the cross I find my place of humility and brokenness before a Holy God that desires to use my broken pieces to bring Him glory.  In Christ alone...

Father, I'm pretty messed up most of the time.  I want to say thank you for caring enough about this broken creature to usher me into your Kingdom through Your saving grace.  It's by the price of Your Son that forgiveness gives me any hope in this crazy messed up thing called life.  I ask today that You give me a Christ like lens to view this world around me.  Break this judgemental spirit in me that creeps in more than I care to admit.  Help me today to recognize my place in You.  Father, I love You.

                                                                                                                                            March 22, 2012

There are days like today when my scripture reading makes me feel like an Israelite.  You know those moments when they see God show up in ways that you and I only day dream about and then they go and do something stupid like make a golden calf out of gold.  They see the Red Sea part and Pharaohs armies are consumed after they cross over on dry land, but then they grumble and ask to go back to bondage.  Well, 1 Corinthians 6 slapped me pretty hard today to the point I thought I wouldn't write about it.  However, this is why I write on my journal or blog.  It's to remind me that scripture still speaks and that the Lord still expects me to remember what He's showing me.  It's the understanding that I'm still imperfect and that my journey to know the heart of Christ continues to be a heavy cross to take up daily.

Chapter 6 of 1 Corinthians starts off by dealing with a rebuke against the people for bringing lawsuits against one another in the secular courts, but makes a segway like non other.  He shifts in verse nine to force his reader to examine their own body and actions.  Where it takes us is right at the heart of every pornography addict.  As an individual that has wrestled with this in the past and if I were completely honest would have to admit that the mental ramifications continue to have a lasting effect through my spiritual journey, I understand the lie of the modern day prostitute.  See porn addicts justify porn as a simple image with no real relational or physical connection which absolves them from thinking that they have committed adultery.  We think the act of simply observing or watching an image or movie is innocent of any real significance.  The enemy has created a perfect lie.  He's created the digital prostitute. See a prostitute is someone who engages in sexual intercourse usually for money.  We excuse it cause the addict justifies their actions by the absence of physical engagement with a prostitute and in many instances not paying for it.  But ironically the problem lies in the engagement mentally.  

In verse 15 I have to reconcile the understanding that my body is a member of Christ's.  Which means an addict that claims a relationship in Christ is joining the eyes and mind of Christ in their addiction.  An addiction that rests in an industry that was created for financial gain.  Men and women in the pornography industry are in the industry to make money.  So weather the addict pays for it or not doesn't exclude that fact that the physical participants, that are engaging the mind of the watcher, are making money based on my observation.  To a recovering addict the mental damage is far greater than any physical encounter.  We are created to remember.  We are wired to recall the past.  We are visual people.  Which is why Paul is so specific in providing a solution in verse eighteen.  Flee.  Run. Escape the presence of immorality.  Like Joseph running from the presence of Potiphar's wife. It's not just a mental thing, it's a physical act of never putting myself in the place where my mind is captured.  Paul says, "Every other sin is outside the body, but real immorality is a man that sins against his own body."  Meaning that my body is the property of Christ.  I'm simply a steward of it. If I engage my mind or my eyes in sexual immorality then I'm choosing to engage Christ in the midst of my sin.  Bottom line, sexual sin is more dangerous than any other physical act of sinful behaviour.  It kills the mind and heart of the believer.  It warps the way we see Christ and his creation.  It brings a guilt and shame that mars the intentions of the Spirit's conviction in my life.  It makes me numb to the very presence of Christ in me.  Pornography is the greatest deception in the modern church.  Sadly enough it's the topic that the church doesn't want to talk about while men and women every Sunday sit wrapped up in sexual bondage both mentally and spiritually.

Lord, give me the tenacity to guard my heart and my mind.  Lord, as Your word in Joshua today called for your people to be courageous and strong allow me to heed those words.  Give me the boldness to flee the thoughts and temptations of the enemy.  Lord my hearts desire is to be a man of Godly character and integrity.  I want to stand with those that find themselves in the midst of the struggle and help raise their countenance as men of Christ.  I want more out of my relationship with You.  I don't want to settle.  I want to know Your heart.  Give me the strength to be quick to repent and quick to listen to Your Spirit in my life when my mind wonders or heart fails.  Father I love you.

                                                                                                                                      March 20, 2012

I'm struggling a bit today to understand how our church culture meshes with the biblical view of church culture.  I have always been a proponent of pursuing the "unlovable" within our community and allowing people that the culture has rejected to find a place to belong in the body of Christ.  I want people to find the message of Christ in a place that will allow them to grow as a new believer.  I want people regardless of race, ethnicity, social status, gender or age to find my church as a place that will welcome and accept them for who they are.  Those that know me would say that I have practiced that as much as I have preached that.

My struggle today rests in my reading of Joshua 7 and 8 and 1 Cor. 5.  The army of Israel was embarrassed by the people of Ai because of sin within the community of people that God called His own.  Thirty-six men lost their lives because of this sin in the camp of God's people.  God made it clear that Joshua must consecrate the people for the sin of Achan. The price was heavy for Achan and his family as the people of Israel stoned each of them and then burned their bodies.  This seemed to be necessary before the Lord turned from the fierceness of His anger toward His people.  I could chalk this up to the account being that of an Old Testament norm, but then I read Paul's words to the Corinthians. Paul asks the question in verse 12, "Do you not judge those who are within the church?" The verse following delivers the command, "Remove the wicked man from among yourselves." These statements come after Paul's illustration of leaven leavening the whole lump of dough.  He commands the Corinthians to clean out the old leaven so that they may have a new lump.

Now before anyone thinks I'm the Queen of Hearts in "Alice In Wonderland" calling the gaurds to be off with the heads of all those that seemingly don't meet the standards of my own shortcomings, I ask for a pause.  What if we were sensitive enough to the scripture to be honest about what we in the church have begun to approve of verses what we are acceptant of?  One has to remember that the people Joshua was leading and those Paul was speaking to were considered believers or followers.  They knew better you could say.  These were people making deliberate choices that went against what they knew was righteous (right) in the eyes of God.  These are not people seeking to know His forgivness or salvation.  Now that does beg the question, "At what point does the church become diligent with the imoral actions of those that know better?"  It's a fine line that should bring great tension to the leadership of our churches.  How do we sheparherd with wisdom and yet create a place that welcomes those that are seeking to know a forgiving Savior?  This is the difference between acceptance and approval.  Are we approving the disobediants of the Christ's people at the sake of creating accepting places for unbelievers to hear the words of Christ?  I'll answer that question as soon as I deal with the sin issues in my own life...

Father give me wisdom to understand my calling and my role as a leader in the life of Your church.  I want to lead with faithfulness and obediance.  I want to know that I'm moving daily toward the words, "Well done good and faithful servant."  Help me to see people through the eyes of Christ and lead with the mind of Christ as well.  Help me to be slow to judge but quick to understand my role in making discples for Your cause.  I love you Father.

                                                                                                                                            March 12, 2012

I get really frustrated with people in the church when they speak in Churchese.  You know what that is right?  It's those religious phrases or words that only make sense to religious people that want to sound intelligent to other religious people.  Churchese sounds like this, "I'm thankful for the sanctification, by the propitiation by the blood of the Lamb, that brings justification to a sinner like me." Ugg! However, I think I sometimes fail to really understand some of the deeper things of scripture because I avoid the terms that don't make their way into my every day vocabulary.  Things like sanctification and justification are foundational elements of my faith in Jesus Christ.  They are words that draw upon the depth and meaning of Christ's love for me.

Today in Galatians 3 I read verses 23 and 24 that stated, "But before faith came, we were kept in custody under the law, being shut up to the faith which was later to be revealed. Therefore the Law has become our tutor to lead us to Christ, so that we may be justified by faith." At first I had to take another drink of my Mt. Dew to reread these two verses.  I wanted to just keep moving on, but I stopped to let this sink in.  Then it struck me, the law that I wrestle with so much is present for me as a teacher/tutor in order to bring me into a deeper understanding of my Christ.  Why is that important? So that this "justification" can change me from the inside out. Justification is the work of God where the righteousness (right ways) of Jesus is reckoned or brought over into the sinner (me) so that I am declared by God as being righteous (right) under the Law (Rom. 4:3; 5:1,9; Gal. 2:16; 3:11).  It is an attribute that implies that my actions are justified, and can have the connotation that I've been "judged" or "reckoned" as leading a life that is pleasing to God. Meaning I am are right with God.

Again, why is this important?  That sounds a lot like Chursese.  So what?  Why do I care?  Well, I care because I'm a sinful person. I'm a wreck at times.  And what this means to me is that I have been judged in the eyes of my God and I was found to be wanting.  Wanting in the fact that I could not redeem myself.  It is by my faith in who my Savior is and in what He has done to bring forgiveness to the broken places of my life that makes this understanding of justification truly matter.  My son Carter has Fragile X Syndrome and requires having a para or aid by his side each day at school.  He has this aid in his daily life to help him cope, focus, and stay on the tasks that are assigned him.  The aid doesn't force him to work, but he or she does guide him to accomplish his tasks.  Therein lies my understanding of the Law.  The Law is not to force me or demand my righteousness, but to guide me to it.  The Law brings me to a place of understanding of what Christ has done for me which in turn motivates me to want a deeper understanding of His presence in my life.

Lord, your work in my life continues to amaze me.  I'm humbled by your desire to use me and thankful for your faithfulness in my life.  Today I come before You seeking a deeper understanding of wisdom and discernment in my life.  I give you freedom to guide me and instruct me into the way of righteousness in my life.  I'm grateful for your saving work in my heart and mind.  Father I love You.

                                                                                                                   March 4, 2012

I love looking at the awkward moments of scripture.  You've read them, the moments that make the air in the room seem tense even as you read them thousands of years later.  I found one today that I've never noticed before.  Two areas of scripture that I have managed to see as separate accounts I realized today were closer than I ever imagined.  Chapters 32 and 33 of Numbers had some great insights today, but Mark 10 was speaking loud and clear.

Mark 10:34 "They will mock Him and spit on Him and scourge Him and kill Him, and three days later He will rise again."  It's a verse that captures my imagination regarding the brutality and cruelty of what was about to happen to Jesus Christ.  As I read it I can see the images in my head.  It's a intimate moment with his disciples, right?  You would think every head would be bowed and every eye closed like an invitation in our churches on Sunday's as Jesus shares his deepest moment of emotion up to this point with His disciples.  And then you read verse 35. James and John open their months like they never heard a word Jesus just said.  In the midst of this intimate moment they pipe up and say, "Teacher we want You to do for us whatever we ask of You." Jesus is kind and gives them a voice and then they take the awkwardness to whole new level.  "Grant that we may sit, one on Your right and one on Your left, in Your glory." Classic! This would be in the top ten most awkward  moments of the disciples ministry to me. 

I'm thinking to myself how I would have in this moment been struggling to come to grips that Jesus was about to give up His life by the hands of the Roman guard. Thinking I would have sat quitely in disbelief. However, my actions tell me differently.  I think of how many moments the Spirit has moved and spoken clearly to me about my actions or lack there of. How He has called me to action and I sit in in my own selfishness and act as if I never heard a thing.  I think to myself that I've done enough up to this point to earn something special, right?  I've given you so much and I've followed so faithfully and put You first time and time again that now it's time I cash in.  I want what's mine.  Bless me now!  And then I read the words of Jesus when He asks, "Are you able to drink the cup that I drink?"  I pray that my response is not the same as theirs.

Lord keep my lips shut and keep my mind open to Your words and leading.  Help me to understand that my inheritance is not in the here and now.  Help me to move beyond my selfishness in order to hear You clearly.  I don't want my selfish ambitions to be seen as petty and vain in the life of my children as they watch their father.  I want them to see a man that is willing to go when You say go and do whatever it is You call me to do, no matter the cost and no matter the place.  I love you Father.

                                                                                                                                  March 1, 2012

One of my least favorite things for dinner are leftovers. I cringe when I hear the microwave ding and I hear the words, "Dinner is ready."  I'm not quite sure why that's the case other than my experience telling me that it's going to taste old or have that half cold/half hot thing going on.  Today I found out in my reading that leftovers from our Lord are not meant to be like three day old chicken and dumplings.  His favor is meant to demonstrate His lasting effect of grace and mercy.  Numbers 28 & 29 were right in line with what you expect from that OT book, but the Word came alive in Mark 8.

I've read a multitude of times, the passages where large multitudes of four and five thousand people were fed, but I caught something today that I needed to see.  When it was all said and done here in Chapter eight, Jesus doesn't say much about the event.  All we read is that there were leftovers.  Seven large baskets of broken pieces to be exact.  However, when he fed the five thousand, verse nineteen tells me that there were twelve baskets of broken pieces leftover.  Why does this detail of the leftovers really matter to the point the author would record it?  I think it speaks to God's character like it does in Exodus when He provided enough manna and quail daily.  The simple point I'm trying to make... There is always enough when He provides.  He never comes up short with His grace or mercy.  Jesus never partially healed someone.  Jesus never left a job half completed.  He never forgot to finish what He started.  He was always enough regardless of the size and scope of the issue or perceived problem. 

He finishes this conversation with the disciples in verse 21 with a cutting question that resonates in my soul. "Do you not yet understand?" Once again He's having to pose the question, "What else do I have to do for you to learn that I am who I say that I am?"  Peter didn't get the point at this moment either.  He got rebuked again later in the same chapter for not seeing Christ for who He said He was.  Korey, wake up and let God be the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.  Stop allowing doubt, fear, worry and arrogance to cloud your understanding that the Spirit in you is enough.  The power of God's presence will today and always be enough. I really don't want to hear that question again from my Savior..."Do you not yet understand?" Korey, there will always be leftovers when I allow Him room to move

Father, I got nothing to offer today.  All I can say is, "thank You" for putting up with my lack of understanding and moments of belief.  I'm recognizing that I'm a "fixer" cause I don't trust You anymore than your own followers did.  Help me to see the leftovers.  Help me to love the leftovers.  Bring healing to my soul today.  I worship You for who You are and who I know You are going to continue to be.  I love you Father.

                                                                                                             February 23, 2012

There is a growing struggle to focus on one part of scripture each day when you find yourself reading from multiple areas of God's Word.  Today I wrestled with a portion of each part of my reading in Numbers 12, 13 and in Mark 2.  But the final word that rested on my spirit was found in Psalm 90.  Here I read a prayer of Moses that ends in verse 17, "Let the favor of the Lord our God be upon us; and confirm for us the work of our hands; yes, confirm the work of our hands."

Mosses words are dripping with the urge to know God's wisdom and favor in the midst of his later years of life.  He is pleading even for his future generations.  Moses hones in on his understanding reguarding his limited days of life.  He's speaking from the depths of his heart as he expresses the desire to present to his God a heart of wisdom. His tone speaks as a longing for his Lords return in accompaniment with his words.

My heart today resonated with verse 17 because I hate my nature as a "fixer".  I'm wired to be busy.  I feel greatly unprofitable when I slow down so I create work for myself.  I rarely stop to think or ask whether the work of my hands is Godly.  My understanding is prefaced in my mind as work for the ministry.  I mean I work for a church so I must be doing the right things, right?  God is teaching me that ministry in my mind is not always the ministry of His heart.  I'm tired of working for work sake.  I want my hours to matter to His Kingdom, not mine.  I don't want to be driven to make a name for myself, but to make His name great.  I want to go home at the end of the day and know that the work of my hands is confirmed by the One I seek to make famous.  Yet, my heart struggles to see the fine line between my fame and His.

Lord, break my pride.  Remove the arrogance of my rebel spirit.  Help me today to understand that I am nothing without You.  Lord let my children see a man that is more concerned about a lost world than he is about his material posessions or his down time.  I want to bring down the walls that prevent people from seeing the work that You are doing in me regardless of the person they may truly see.  I know I'm imperfect and selfish.  Break that in me. Father, I love You.

                                                                                                                       February 22, 2012

The book of Numbers stole the show again today.  I would have sworn that Psalm 27 or Mark 1 would have captured my heart, but the Word came alive in Numbers 11 today.  I have always enjoyed exploring the actions and attitudes of the Isrealite people in the days following their departure out of Egypt.  I've gleaned from their stubborn hearts and have been amazed at their lack of faith in the presence of such visible markers displayed by our God.  Their desire to return to bondage and their lack of understanding of the Father's heart have garnered many hours of thought in my life. Today, however, the bold print came in Numbers 11:23.

Numbers 11:23 states, "The LORD said to Moses, "Is the LORD's power limited? Now you shall see whether My word will come true for you or not." Let's have a little context shall we.  Moses needs some assistance with the needs of the people as the burden is to great for him alone. So Moses is instructed to gather seventy Elders to assist him.  The Lord tells Moses that He will take the Spirit that is upon Moses and place that Spirit upon the Elders so that Moses will not carry this burden alone. Now as you study this passage you see that the main problem or burden at this point is that the people want some meat to eat instead of the manna. Once again I can identify with the whole meat thing.  Moses is bringing this complaint to the Lord, but he can't possibly see how 600,000 people that are on foot with him could find enough meat to eat.  But God sets the story straight by giving the people far more than they could ever imagine.

Is the LORD's power limited? What an amazing statement that I read when it comes to our doubt and struggle with His promises.  What do I, just like Moses, have to see for me to finally come to a place where the Lord is not posing this question to us? At this point Moses had seen possibly more visible and tangible displays of God's movement than anyone throughout history, yet he still questions God ability and power.  From the plagues to the pillar of fire at night and the cloud by day, to the Red Sea parting and the passover Angle, and even after his moments on Mount Sinai Moses still had to be reminded of God's power.  God has promised me that He shall supply all my needs according to His riches and Glory and yet I still pose the questions of God's power and ability to move in my life.  For some reason my flesh still believes that my burdens are greater than His power.  I still wrestle with why He would even care about my seemingly insignificant issues, yet he cared enough to bring meat to His people.  Meat... do you get it?  He cared about their food, I think He wants me to know He cares about my life.

Father, I'm so thankful that You care about the minuet details of your children's lives.  I'm thankful that You have promised to never leave me or forsake me.  I'm grateful that you hold me in the grip of your hand and promise that nothing can separate us.  I ask that You instill in my spirit a deep understanding of your power and presence.  Help me to have the wisdom to recognize your desire to be a personal and intimate God in the matters of my life, family, ministry, and friendships.  Father, I love You.

                                                                                                             February 20,2012

Today the Lord was pretty clear to me. He actually spoke to me through the book of Numbers. I'm guessing I may be in a minority of people that would say their lives have been touched by the book of Numbers. Nontheless, today a lengthy passage of scripture found in Numbers 7 grabbed my heart. More intrestingly it came on a day were Psalm 23 and Acts 27 were on my reading list. Go figure.

As I was reading about the detailed offerings of the differnt sons and leaders that were lifted up to God once Moses had completed the tabernacle, something struck me. The fact that these offerings were chronicled with such detail within this book told me that they matered. The detail of the account mattered, but to who? Who would care how many calfs, goats, lambs, rams, or oxen were sacrificed for these offerings? Then it hit me. The account and details don't really matter to me more than 2500 years later, but they mattered to God. There were five offerings referenced in this passage. There was the grain offering, burnt offering, sin offering, sacrifice of peace offering, and the dedication offering that were accounted for here. They mattered.

My application or question that I'm thinking about today is what offering of my mine has mattered lately. Have I ever really had an offering that mattered enough to document for my children's history or my grandchildren's? Have I given any real thought to my life as an offering? What do I have to give the would matter? Why would I offer it? Did God really care about the amount of shekels or silver bowls or gold pans that were given? Yes, I believe He did. They were above and beyond what was required of them to give unto the Lord. They were given sacrificially. Man that is hard for me to wrestle with today when I think about what I have sacrifically given to the Lord recently.

Father, I recognize today that I've simply done the required things in my giving, but I've fallen so short of the offernings in my life. Please forgive me for being so consentrated on the faithfulness of the requirments that I have failed to be open to the offerings of my life. Help me to be conscience of what I should be giving up to You for your glory. I want to further your Kingdom, not mine. Help me with my desire to acquire things that are so tempral and passing. I give you all the glory today. Father I love You.

                                                                                                                   February 16, 2012

Have you ever thought to yourself that God was genuinely speaking to you through His Word or in your prayer time? As I look back over my life I can think of a number of times that I felt in my soul that God was speaking with clarity.  I remember the emotions that I wrestled with and the grappling of the words that have left me feeling broken.  Today as I read in Leviticus 26 I see words of clarity.  I see blessings for God's people in their obedience and penalties for their disobedience.  What I read is a God that desires to be very clear with his peoples obedience.

Leviticus 26:14-46 is summed up in verse 30, "I will destroy your high places, and cut down your incense altars, and heap your remains on the remains of your idols, for My soul shall abhor you." The clarity that God speaks to Moses with is crystal clear.  His wrath and hostility against His own people is clearly communicated if they chose to act out against Him.  Where did we believe this changed?  Why would we think that the death of Christ on a cross would remove God's desire for His people to honor and uphold Him and his commandments?  Does the concept of grace remove God's passion for our holiness?  When I read this passage I hear a God that is passionate about His people's obedience.  Did Moses record these words for the Israelites or was this recorded in God's Word for the history of God's children?  I can't read this and dismiss it simply because of an old covenant verses new covenant dialog.

I have to remember that I am called to be set apart as His child.  I am to be in this world and not of it.  Yet I find my flesh waring against the things I hate while allowing the truth to be replaced with a lie in certain areas of my life.  Paul's words could not be more powerful in Romans when we understand our desires in contrast with God's desires and how we so easily become ensnared.  I want to be holy.  I want to hear, "Well done good and faithful servant" when it's all said and done.  I want an intimacy with the Father that allows me to have the words of clarity that Moses received at Mount Sinai.

Father, You are good.  I trust your Word and I want to know how to hide it in my heart more each day.  Give me the wisdom to live with a deeper understanding of your commands for my obedience.  Today I ask You to examine every aspect of my heart.  Don't allow me to hide any area from you as you search me and know me.  I love you Father.

                                                                                                                            February 15, 2012

As I was reading today in my quite time I found myself reading from Lev. 25, Psalm 25-26, and Acts 22. This particular read was a bit consuming for me. Leviticus here is dealing with the year of jubilee and a great passage in Acts where Paul is stating his Damascus Road experience to the Jews in Rome. Toady, however, my heart was struck by a very simple word found in Psalm 25 and 26. That word is, integrity.

These two Psalms are written as prayers by David in a descriptive fashion calling on the protection, guidance and pardon of His Lord. Verse 19 states, "Look upon my enemies, for they are many, and they hate me with violent hatred." This falls into a long list of requests by David unto his Lord. I was struck by the boldness in his tone and the directness of his requests. Entermingled though I find, with one simple word, where his tenacity lies before His Lord. His boldness before God rests in verse 21: "Let integrity and uprightness preserve me, for I wait for You." Bame! He isn't requesting the desires of his heart as some selfish child in a Walmart toy isle with expectancy because he's the Father's child. He is claiming the Father's provision as he states in Psalm 26:1, "Vindcate me, O LORD, for I have walked in my integrity, and I have trusted in the LORD without wavering."

My application that I walk away with today is based on my need for integrity. Integrity is becoming a lost art in the work culture of America. We can justify just about any desision weather right or wrong based on our need for a desired outcome. If we're honest we have to admit that it happens in the church just as much. We just vail it in spiritual terms like, "God told me" or "I feel led by the Spirit to..." We use terms like "called", "led" or "sent" and make it look and feel pretty. Integrity is defined as the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness. My God wants this from me. He demands this from me as His wittness.

Father guide my steps today. Convict me of the areas of my life where I seek a selfish outcome. Watch over my lips and let no evil thing come out that may defame your name. Lord I want to be set apart for your holy and acceptable work. Keep me from sitting with decitful men and as David wrote keep me from hanging with pretenters. I love you Lord.

                                                                                                                            February 5, 2012

Todays reading takes me on a journey through the last two chapters of Exodus, 39 and 40, and into Psalm 15. However, it's in the last portion of our reading in Acts 15 that grabs my attention.  Exodus concludes by providing great detail of the garments and construction of the tabernacle according to the instruction given by the Lord.  Psalm 15 paints a picture of a righteous citizen in the city of Zion.  Yet it's one small verse that has me thinking today.  It's Acts 12:2 that reads, "And he had James the brother of John put to death with a sword."

Just like that.  One simple verse.  No fan fare made of it and no more than one verse giving attention to it.  James the brother of John has his final moments noted in scripture by six words. This catches my attention because of the Western culture that permiates my thinking about being a follower of Christ.  I tend to think sometimes that I'm special cause I surrendered my life to the gospel ministry or that maybe God thinks I'm important to his purpose here on earth.  And then this verse appears.  James, one of the memebers of Christ's inner cirlce during his earthly ministry, is simply martyerd at the hands of Herod.  Stephen has at least two verses discribing his death in chapter 7, but the death of James shattered the illusion that somehow, the twelve enjoyed soime unique Divine protection.

Jesus never promised his followers special protection.  He never made it comfortable and even went our of His way to communicate the need to be ready for persecutuion in Matthew 10:16-26. I am part of a royal priesthood and I'm anticipating an inheritance from my King and Redeemer, but on this side of glory I'm an enemy of the lion that roams this earth roaring and seekimg to devour me.  Maybe I should be a bit more concerned when this life seems to be all to easy and the difficulties seem to fall on others while I sonter by in my pursuit of happiness (which by the way should not be my aim at all). 

Father, help me to understand what place I have in this world.  Help me to never underestimate my enemy and the hatered that he has toward You and your children.  Teach me to put on my spiritual armor on in the midst of this journey each and every day.  I love You and I want to serve You until that final moment that history closes the chapter on this child of the King.

                                                                                                                             February 4, 2012

Life journaling  is a big part of Fellowship of The Rockies and I've decided to use my blog as a place to write out my thoughts about my quite time with the Father.  Today takes me through Ex. 37, 38, Ps. 19 and Acts 11.  This portion of Exodus looks at the construction of the Tabernacle and Acts is reporting on Peter in Jerusalem and his vision regarding what was once unclean.  However, it is Psalms 19 that stands out in my reading today.

David writes regarding the the expanse and works of the Lord, but almost out of nowhere he expresses an intimate desire of almost any man who is seeking genuine relationship with the Father. He writes in Psalm 19:13 "Also keep back Your servant from presumptuous sins; Let them not rule over me; Then I will be blameless and I shall be acquitted of great transgressions." The thought that he would ask that the Father to keep him back or hold him from something runs against our natural desire for freedom and choices. See a deeper understanding of freedom only comes when our soul is free from the bondage of sin.  It's a dynamic that many never understand because they have become comfortable with the pleasures of  this world. Men like their comfort. We like our Lazy Boy chairs and our decked out trucks and cars.  It's amazing how comfort distorts freedom.

This reminds me that when I'm not wrestling with this life and I'm becoming content with the daily routines I'm at risk for presumptuous sins. I think it's why David finishes this passage with verse 14: "Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my rock and my Redeemer."  The meditation of my heart goes beyond the meditation of my mind.  My heart dictates my desires and the actions in which my mind dwells on.  My heart will ultimately dictate what comes forth from my mouth.  This is a continual reflection on my need for a Redeemer.

Father, please make this a focus of my life.  I want to give You the desires of my heart in order for You to have your way in me.  Let me not hold on to the presumptuous sins that I allow to be so much a part of my life.  I want to live a life that is not ruled by the desires of this world, but by the desire to live a blameless life before You. May You be glorified through me.