June 26, 2024

 

 

In my lifetime, the hardest moments I've experienced are the moments that demanded I wait. A season of waiting that removes my ability to control or navigate outcomes.  The kind of waiting that eliminates any sense of control.  Personally, I'd rather be in the throes of a spiritual battle or feeling the pressure of high-impact decisions and even resolving conflict between grieving parties.  But waiting, waiting is hard.  

But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. (Isaiah 40:31).  I was prompted to memorize this verse as a child, but the weight of this verse was lost on me in my youth. As a child, I couldn’t conjure up enough patience to wait on anything.  As the youngest of four children, I understood if I was going to get my share of anything I better act quickly.  I learned to be a bit shrewd and almost cunning to get a piece of the proverbial pie.  However, that mindset has wreaked havoc on my soul as an adult believer.

 

Waiting has always made me feel inadequate.  Waiting feels lazy.  For a self-starter, waiting feels like a waste of time and energy. Yet waiting is a common theme throughout scripture in the lives of some mighty men and women. From Joseph being falsely imprisoned for more than ten years and waiting to be remembered by the cupbearer, to David hiding and waiting in caves during the reign of Saul, Esther had fasted and prayed for three days for her opportunity to appear before the king to present her petition to save the Jews from Haman’s decree, Nehemiah waited four months to speak with the King, Noah waited in an ark for a year, the disciples waited forty-seven days for Pentecost. There seem to be significant stories of waiting from Elijah to Paul, where waiting dictated seasons of their life.  

 

So why do I think God would use another tool to shape me differently when it comes to waiting? See, waiting is a refining anvil like no other.  Waiting fleeces my strength.  It emaciates my pride and ego as well.  Waiting eradicates control.  And that is why I struggle with waiting.  At the end of the day, my spirit longs for control.  My inhibitions desire to dictate outcomes and secretly relish in the sense of superiority to life's questions, but deeper my soul clings to advancing my self-worth. Waiting reminds me that my life is not about my self-worth.

 

See, they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength, leaves the impression that I get my strength back when I wait. Yet, my strength is what needs to be surrendered. Philippians 2:3 (AMP) For it is [not your strength, but it is] God who is effectively at work in you, both to will and to work [that is, strengthening, energizing, and creating in you the longing and the ability to fulfill your purpose] for His good pleasure.  My strength only intensifies my will, not His. The period of waiting for the disciples for Pentecost was crucial to their empowerment of the Holy Spirit. A.B Simpson, the founder of the Christian and Missionary Alliance, has something to say about waiting until we are clothed or filled with the Spirit. He said, “These waiting days were necessary to enable the disciples to realize their need, their nothingness, their failure, and their dependence upon the Master. They had to get emptied first before they would get filled.”

 

When I wait upon the Lord I receive His strength through His Spirit, not mine.  In the waiting, my strength is challenged and in some sense put to death for His strength to take center stage in my soul.

 

The question that stirs in my soul is, “Who’s strength do I want to operate in?”  If I want to be filled by the Spirit then waiting becomes a nonnegotiable, but if I want a temporary, fleeting, empty moment of self-approval then by all means, Korey you do you.

                                                                                                                                May 25, 2023

There was a word spoken today that captured my heart.  It was said, “You will become what you choose not to forgive.”  My cynical mind questioned the truth behind this statement and mentally I pushed back with a snap judgment of self-righteousness.  I thought this was trite and simply a cliché that finds itself as s sticker on the bumper of one's life.  But then it found its way into the broken places of my self-absorbed soul. 

 

“You will become what you choose not to forgive.”  I recognize that I counsel and teach people to forgive from the platforms and office spaces of my public profession.  I remind people that forgiveness is not a singular moment, but an ongoing choice.  Forgiveness is a choice that takes place every time that offense is brought to my attention.  Recognizing that I may choose forgiveness today, but falter and fail to extend that same forgiveness tomorrow.  Why?  Because God wired us with the capacity to remember, and our memories produce emotions in the depth of our being.  Memories bind up our wounds or create them.  Memories can ignite our joy or burden our souls.

 

What I began to understand in the quietness of my morning while sitting here at my desk is simply, we are what we know.  My thinking, my actions, and my worldview are heavily shaped by what I have experienced. What I have been immersed in and who I have been surrounded by quietly leave indelible marks on my steps.  It’s why there are moments when what I say or how I respond mirrors that of those that raised or mentored me.  They have left lasting impressions on my soul.  And what is down in the well comes up in the bucket.

 

See, unforgiveness is so poisonous because it becomes my drink of choice.  I nurse it like a solo cup full of emotional comfort in the chaos of indecision and self-deprivation.  I fill it up when I think it’s almost dry simply for the comfort of believing I fit in at a party of people I don’t even like. I think somehow unforgiveness will keep me in the cool crowd.  It will justify my words and attitudes about a person that I feel in some way superior to because of some arbitrary self-serving standard that props me up to be king of my domain. It gives me a false sense of control.

 

When my thoughts about something ruminate for long enough, they give birth to something.  That birth produces something beautiful, praiseworthy, and full of meaning or painful and ultimately full of sorrow.  If what I know and have taught is the practice of unforgiveness then that will be what I return to in my true self.  It might not come out in casual conversation, but it will gnaw at my soul in the quietness of my thoughts and sleepless nights.  As it gnaws at my spirit it shapes me.  It forms my heart.  And now that anger, resentment, bitterness, impurity, or judgmental spirit of another that wounded me so long ago, defines me.  I find myself in a heap scratching spiritual sores with the broken pottery of my self-righteousness, shame, and guilt.  

 

Today I have a choice.  I have the emotional capacity to extend forgiveness even when that forgiveness is undeserved.  I have the understanding that Christ forgave me in the depth of my sin when I was most undeserving.  Today I can pick up my cross and crucify my unforgiveness as I deny myself and follow Him. There is joy in Him.  There is joy in his leadership.  He leads me to forgive because I was forgiven.  I can even forgive myself.

                                                                                                                         May 18, 2023

This morning I heard a friend refer to the claw marks he’s left on all the things that discipleship has called him to give up.  That hit home for me.  The level of truth that comes with that statement is gut-wrenching.  Genuine Christ-centered discipleship calls us into a life that is not our own.  It forces me to look at my story and recognize the litany of claw marks I’ve left behind.    “Deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow me.”  That’s the call.  That’s the cost of discipleship.

 

I’ve never been very good at denying myself.  From my diet, my rhythms, relationships, and financial stewardship, my inner self has always fought to find its way to the forefront.  It clamors for attention like a two-year-old in a candy store when no one is watching.  Me, me, me, is that nature of our souls that we war with.  Self brings frustration and sorrow, yet it never seems to be completely silenced in our pursuit of something greater or something Godly.  

 

When I look back over my spiritual journey there are some things that reveal gnarly, altering marks that when given too much attention bring back a shame that reminds me of my inability to surrender.  See, I believe that the ultimate mark on my life as a disciple is measured by my level of surrender.  My ability to yield to what is greater, grander, and giving of His glory.  To choose His will over my own.  

 

See that is why I believe the cross holds such a presence in the redemptive story.  The cross was and is an instrument of death.  It’s cruel, brutal, and insufferable.  It’s too extreme to bear alone.  And my misperception of the cross has been my greatest hurdle to yielding to His will.  Once I began to understand the reason Christ called us to take up our cross, I began to recognize the freedom that came with my death.  You and I cannot carry our cross alone.  Our crosses crush our joy, our spirit, and our resolve.  Self cannot survive on the cross.  

 

The only way for me to take up my cross is to yield to the one who already overcame the death that the cross gives way to.  Matthew 16:24 reads:  Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.”  If you fail to understand the order of Christ's words, then one's life will be marred with painful claw marks.  He says, “If anyone would come after me,” is the deal breaker.  I can’t pursue Christ and self at the same time.  I have a choice to make.  He doesn’t make that choice for me.  He invites me to pursue Him.  He welcomes me, but He doesn’t force the pursuit on me.  

 

My dilemma comes in the perceived weight of the pursuit of self.  The pursuit of self never brings contentment. It only brings a greater sense of my need for more.  He says, “Let him deny himself”.  As early as I can remember I’ve never been fond of being told what I can’t have.  It’s why Jesus says, “Let him.”  He’s giving freedom to freely make the choice of Savior over self.  Let him what?  He says, “deny himself.”  I must acknowledge His invitation of the refusal to give or grant myself what this world tells me I should want.  It’s a refusal of a lie for His truth.  So, he gives me the understanding by which denial is ultimately accomplished.  Death.

 

“Take up your cross” is clear about whose cross this is.  Not His cross, but mine.  He knows what I need to die to which makes my cross personal.  I believe Jesus is saying, once you refuse to pursue your selfish ambition, I’ll give you the strength to die to it, but not until.  The cross is the freedom, but the willingness to die on it, well that’s the hard part.  See Jesus gives assurance in his words, “Come to me all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”  However, you can’t receive that shalom until you take the steps to come to Jesus.  Once you surrender your will to the leading of Christ, He gives you the strength to endure the cross.  I don’t carry my cross alone.  

 

See, He finishes that statement with, “and follow me.”  If I follow someone in close enough proximity, they will feel my weight.  If I get close enough, they will carry my weight.  How closely I follow Jesus impacts the weight of my cross.  The moments when the Christian life seems too heavy to bear typically have evidence of the marks my claws have left while holding on to myself versus my Savior.  

 

                                                                                                                                 March 23, 2023

Twenty-five hours ago thirteen people stepped into a calling to leave the comfort of our daily lives and fulfill Matthew 28:19 in a small coastal town in Ecuador.  Our desire was to step into the great unknown and use the gifts the Spirit has placed in us in order that He might work through us.  That’s ultimately what Matthew 28:18-19 is calling us to.  That passage is calling us to show the world why we follow Christ.  To demonstrate His redemptive story in such a manner that would draw the hearts of others into the very relationship that has transformed our own. 

 

I heard someone express discipleship this week in terms of what it looked like to follow a rabbi in Jesus’ day.  It was the idea that you would follow a rabbi so closely that the dust from their sandals would cover you to the point that their dust became your dust.  But the only way for that form of discipleship to be real is proximity.  Proximity that requires intimacy.  You can’t be that close to someone without them, and everyone else, noticing.  Yet recognize that is not just a season in one’s life, that is one’s life.  You don’t follow closely one day and then from a distance the next.  To be known as His disciple means I keep His dust on me each day, each hour, each minute.  I don’t leave His presence for my own desires, my own dreams, or my own agenda.

 

See Matthew 28:18-19 seals this idea with the call of baptism.  See baptism signifies my life in 

Christ as one that is sealed.  Meaning that I’m buried with Him in the likeness of His death, and I am raised to “walk” in the newness of His life.  When I walk in the newness of His life, that life never loses its shine.  It never fades.  I must recognize that I’m walking in the newness of His life, not mine.  My life has nothing to offer the world.  For my life to truly matter means I’m walking so closely with my rabbi that people don’t see my life, they see His.    I don’t follow Jesus because it makes my life better.  I follow Jesus because it makes my life matter.

 

I’m not approaching this week in Ecuador asking what I get out of it.  I’m not even truly looking for personal fulfillment during our time here.  I’ve traveled the world from Belarus, Zimbabwe, Serbia, South Africa, China, Thailand, Haiti, Costa Rica, Cuba, Dominican Republic, Canada, Honduras and the Caribbean Islands.  The Lord has blessed me with the great privilege of experiencing His church on a global scale.  I’m walking into this moment looking to get dusty.  I want to find where Jesus is at work, and I want to join Him.  I want a conscience experience with the Rabbi I follow.   I want someone to see the evidence of His grace in my life that points them to the Rabbi who’s working through me.  I want someone to get dirty because of the dust on me.  I want someone to find the waters of baptism because they recognized how dirty they are from a broken and fallen world.  I want to witness what happens when someone encounters the grace demonstrated by the Rabbi’s blood washing over them.  Rabbi lead… I will follow.  Let me get dust in my eyes.

 

                                                                                                                                     March 21, 2023

There are certain seasons that seem to come with more questions than answers.  You know, those seasons where the weight and silence seem overwhelming?  It’s not just the idea of things not going my way, it's that I'm uncertain as to what my way even means.  I struggle with my way.  I like my way.  I always have.  I don’t like my way to be micromanaged or dictated to by outside voices.  There is a reason it’s called my way.  

 

There is a selfishness to my way that is captured by my pride, my ego, my ambition.  It wakes up speaking to me even before I fumble in the darkness to find that ever elusive snooze button.  It clammers for space and attention in my mind like the gnawing pangs of an empty stomach.  It finds its way into my identity and purpose, clouding my vision as to who I am as a child of the King, because my King cannot be King in the midst of my way.  They cannot coexist.  He cannot be Lord and yet bow to my way.  

 

I wrestled with my way today as I walked through Romans 1.  Paul attempts to warn and plead with believers to identify this crab grass of my way that sprawls across our hearts like a withered lawn on a hot Texas July day.  See, like an invasive weed takes root, my way begins to produce an unrighteousness even in the best of soils.  It suffocates the truth in my life.  It chokes out His voice and replaces it with mine.  

 

I wrestle with this pursuit of righteousness, like the endless quest of ridding the obstinate weeds from the fresh soil in the garden of my soul.  See Paul makes the claim with a certain ambiguity, which is meant to bring clarity, “The righteous shall live by faith.”  But at first glance that is not as clear as it should be.  Paul is saying, “The one who by faith is righteous shall live.”  I began to see that I don’t have faith because I’m righteous.  My righteousness is the very reason I have faith, but not in my righteousness, His.  My way is rooted in the idea that I’m pursuing my own righteousness, but Christ declared there are none righteous, no, not even one.  

 

I know what it feels like to sense my life slipping away with the passing of each minute, hour, or day.  My joy, my hope running through my fingers as limited grains of sand held by my frail finite fingers.  What do I do with the season where there are more questions than answers?  Where I’m suffocating because of the pursuit of my way, what do I do?  I must recognize what brings life.  

 

I’m reminded of the backyard hose we as kids would drink from on those scorching summer days where we were “encouraged” to play outside.  If you were the unfortunate one to drink from the hose first, you experienced the taste of rubber lava. It wasn’t the water that was different on the front end, it was the hose that made the water less appealing.  The hose had sat in the piercing sun, looped around itself, openly exposed to the heat.  However, if you allowed the water to run for just a minute or two the water would change the environment of the hose.  The water dictated the temperature, not the hose.  

 

My way must allow the water of the Spirit in my life dictate the temperature.  However, that can only happen when I spend the time to let it run through me.  Through my heart, my mind, my soul with the purpose of exposing my way in exchange for His.  Recognizing that silence in my life is the product of my way crushing the beautiful sound of His way.  Its living in the knowledge of His righteousness verse the pursuit of my own.

                                                                                                                       January 31, 2023

The jaded heart is a deadly thing.  It taints the well of goodness and prevents us from seeing the character of God and the beauty of His creation both around us and in us.  The jaded heart is a sneaky thing.  It captures our affections like a slow burn creeps across the low lying grass of an open field.  It doesn't happen overnight and it rarely shows its plan for the future. It simply blinds the heart from seeing what is meant for our good and exchanges it for what is potentialy evil.  The jaded heart is wrapped in a hope that reveals itself as powerless, petty, and pushy.  It robes faith.  It robes joy and ultimately robs our strength.  Why? Because the joy of the Lord is our strength. And when our joy is robed our strength is the unfortunate recipient of those effects.

I've wrestled with a jaded heart in matters of the church and the people that make up the beautiful bride of Christ.  My jaded heart wasn't derived from a moment or a person, but a collective of the sort.  Over time I watched good intentions turn selfish and "goals" masked in vernacular of ministry.  I saw the industry of Christianity and the Christian Church become a machine that created with superb strokes of genius.  The problem was our strokes of genius pointed to the wrong artist.  They pointed to self, not the creator of self.  It drew people to a personality.  I drew people to an art form, not the ultimate Artist.  

But God has continued to show me that "the worshiping heart does not create its Object." A.W. Tozer points out in The Pursuit Of God, "that faith creates nothing. It simply reckons upon that which is already there."  See, my jaded heart wasn't the product of what had happened to me or of that which I had witnessed.  No, it was a product of what I chose to put my faith in.  I had found that I was more intent on following the visible verse the invisible that existed to draw my heart to its passions for me.  I was more content in believing there was God and yet, at the same time, failing to believe in Him.  The visible had become the enemy of the invisible and my heart was captured in a futile faith that couldn't stand in the midst of superb strokes of genius.  It crumbled. The journey of the jaded heart had begun.  

I was seeking the evidence of God in man.  My heart wasn't just jaded, it had become restless and my lens of seeking him had become skewed.  And when we can't see clearly we can't believe accurately.  Hebrews 11:6 states, "And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek Him."  The jaded heart misdirects the object of our faith.  And that heart can only be changed when our mind does.  Only when what I seek is Him not his blessing, not His favor and not my good.  When I want his presence, a conscience experience of His majesty, more than I want a result that gives me a cheap sense of satisfaction the jaded heart shatters. When I seek Him verses the desires of my heart, I recognize the spiritual, invisible strokes of His genius.  See the result of truly seeking Him is not simply the cure for the jaded heart, it's so much more. Seeking Him and His desires for my heart in turn realign my desires to His.  It's a beautiful thing to know that God's heart has never been jaded toward me.

                                                                                                                        January 5, 2016

It's been quite a while since my last post.  Four years to be exact and more life than I care to write about.  Today I find myself wrestling with the reality that I have an enemy that despises the King I worship, which in turn produces a hatred toward me.  Luke 4:13 points to an interesting truth that is easily missed at first glance.  After forty days in the wilderness and temptation from every angle, Jesus demonstrates the power of the written Word.  At each temptation he quotes scripture to address the attacks and lies of the enemy, but that is not what catches my attention as much as the final statement.

In verse thirteen of chapter four it says, "When the devil had finished every temptation, he left Him until an opportune time."  We get this idea that the devil tried and failed in the temptation of Christ, and that he gave up and when his own way. However, what scripture tells us here is that he's much more cunning and persistent to just give up.  He left Him until an opportune time.  He recognized that his future would provided moments of weakness and pain, moments of hurt and sorrow, in which the enemy would wait for.  We know that even at the cross the enemy tried to speak lies into the mind of Christ and at his weakest moment he stayed focused on His calling.

The question is, "What are the opportune times in my present future that the enemy is waiting for?"  I have to admit that if I'm attempting big things for the cause of Christ and I'm preaching the gospel, the redemptive story, to see lives transformed then the enemy is going to recognize the opportune times in my life to bring my world crashing down.  I recognize that with some this thought may produce fear or anxiety, but those emotions are not the emotions of the Holy Spirit in my life.  "For my God has not given me the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."  No, my thought is focused on the opportune time.  What does opportune timing look like in my schedule?  What does it look like in my fatigue or my morally nurtural things that I give myself to: sports, recreation, friendships.  Things that are not bad in and of themselves, but things that produce a laziness in my life that cause my eyes to be taken off the written Word of God.

I write today to remind myself that an opportune time could be today.  An opportune time could be in one of my finest hours.  Today I take every thought captive.  I stand on the written Word.

Exhausted after three days of travel, yet I can't sleep.   It's 1:40 in the morning here in Zimbabwe  and I'm still running on adrenaline.  I'm fascinated by the culture and the graciousness of a marginalized people that have so little, but are willing to give so much.  I'm already wrestling with the thought that I came here to better understand how we could help, but I feel like they are helping me more by changing my paradigm as to how we see the world.

We spent the day driving through the city of Bulawayo and buying supplies for our trip to Tuloche later this morning.  We will leave early this morning as it will take us two and a half hours to arrive at a community with a hundred children that have stayed in this village since Sunday night once they heard of our coming.  These children of all ages have "slept in their clothes" as they call it to see us.  See, many of these orphans will travel a day by foot to worship with a church that provides a sponsorship through Horizon International for their education, food, clothing and clean water.  They have not returned to their caregivers in order to see us.  

Tonight may be the first time that a roster that has crowed all night long hasn't bothered me.  I found out today, as our host was showing us his garden, that the fifteen or so chickens that he is raising will be given to an orphan to have as their own food supply.  Each time I see how this community, even though separated by large distances, cares for one another it reminders me of Acts four as the church met one another's needs.  They are showing me how you can have a deep love for someone you may not meet for another few hours. It's truly humbling.

The joyous thing that I have had the privilege of seeing now on several different continents is that precious and impoverished people don't recognize their circumstances they way I see them.  They have a joy.  The smiles are abundant and the laughter can be heard so frequently that it's  contagious.  Their joy is not captured by the thought of more things or even more money.  They see life in a moment at a time.  Their not thinking about next month or even tomorrow for that matter, but they  have tremendous needs... Or do they?  

Lord help me this week to see through your eyes.  Help me to realize I'm not here to fix something or to solve a problem that only exists in my mind.  I want to better understand this joy unspeakable that wont go away when there's just enough time to live for today.  So I'll never have to worry what tomorrow will bring cause I'm counting on God.

                                                                                                                             

                                                                                                                         September 10, 2012

 As a father I have the privilege of playing some of the classic childhood games that I loved as a kid, now with my own children.  However, with my children they don't seem to work the same way.  See Carter, my son with Fragile X, never quite seems to grasp the concept of certain games.  Hide and Seek is his favorite game and he can play it for hours.  The difference lies in the way the game ends for him.  You see when I count and I go looking for him he gets too nervous to hide and whenever I get to close he jumps out and screams, "Here I am!"  Always with the same enthusiasm as the fifteen games before.

Throughout the course of Carters life he has shown me things that reveal the face and heart of God with great clarity.  Even in the midst of an innocent child-like game I see God's desire for me.  Each and every time I watch my son jump out of hiding to declare his presence I want to correct his understanding and help him play the game right, but I can't.  See Carter finds great joy in being found even if he is the one making certain that everyone knows where he is.  He doesn't like hiding.  His heart would burst if he thought someone left him behind or forgot him.  He wants to be known.

I wish I didn't like hiding so much.  Not like hiding in a game, but in life.  I totally get the garden scene where Adam and Eve hid from God.  That makes so much sense to me even if it was God they were hiding from.  I hide my sin like no one will find it.  I hide my emotions the same way.  As an extrovert most would say I'm pretty transparent, but that is only partly true.  I'm transparent with the safe stuff.  Even the edgy stuff that I promote as part of my past I will put out there for most to see, but not the real stuff that consumes me today.  You could say that I'm a pro at Hide and Seek, but the problem is I'm hiding the wrong things and failing to seek the one that heals.

 Now at first glance one might think both the writer and the writing here is a bit gloomy, but quite the contrary.  If you haven't followed my writing before you might miss the fact that I primarily only write when I see God moving in His Word while it converges with my life.  Isaiah 65:1 says, "I permitted Myself to be sought by those who did not ask for Me; I permitted Myself to be found by those who did not seek Me, I said, "Here am I, here am I," to a nation which did not call on My name."  Today I write because I recognize that God is allowing me to find Him even when I haven't been seeking Him.  Couching in my dark corner hoping the light will not reveal my heart is not an option any longer.  He found me.  He redeemed me.  He loves me and holds each and every part of my life regardless of how hard I try to hide.

                                                                                                                          July 23, 2012

What's the difference between hope and living hope?  1 Peter 1:3-9 speaks to the reality that my common day idea of hope is so inadequate.  In my family we hope the Bronco's will make it back to the Superbowl.  I hope my kids don't break something today.  I hope my lunch is better than yesterday.  I hope in a lot of things that really, at the end of the day, carry with them very little concern or consequence if they never come to fruition... except the Bronco's and the Superbowl of course. Living hope is a drastically different understanding when I speak of the hope I have in my Lord and Savior.

Regardless of the realities that overwhelm my life I understand something that changes my perspective that most of the world doesn't understand.  Today is not really about today.  See many of us wake up wondering about today and what difficulties we may face through out it, but what if I saw those difficulties as the very thing that made my future even sweeter?  What if the trials were only a measuring stick to determine the proof of my faith?  Peter talks about the proof of my faith resulting in a greater understanding of praise, glory, and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.  So if I understand this right it means that as my faith strengthens because of the trial then my understanding of his glory will be even greater.

So today, and the trials within it, really becomes about the testing of my faith so that my future may understand a greater depth of His presence and the joy inexpressible of knowing Him.  Understanding a living hope is a paradigm shift in our understanding of the word hope.  It transforms this word that communicates a mere desire for a desired outcome into a understanding that our hearts lock onto something as a pit bull does to a bone.  It's knowing that I don't let go of something until the moment of my choosing, not the worlds.  My hope is locked onto the fact that my King will be returning during or after this temporal stint in a world filled with suffering and pain.  That hope understands that when He does return there is an inheritance that will not pass away as a result of my faith in His salvation.

Father allow me to see the trials and difficulties as they are, trials for the purification of my faith.  Allow me to hold on to this living hope as dearly as life itself.  Thank you for allowing me to see that this journey is not about making my name famous, but yours.  Thank for loving me and allowing me to see the goodness of your character even in the midst of this fallen world.  I love you Father.

                                                                                                                                 July 21, 2012

I write today as a weary and tired father.  I'm tempted to keep this post private like I have so many others regarding my journey as an adoptive parent. I've been angry, sad, and disappointed at so many different points on this road and I maintain the opinion that adoption has been my greatest challenge in both ministry and life. Don't get me wrong, there have been moments of great joy and pride that have come from the progression of my children and their steps to growing up, but the steps are painstaking at times.  I hate sounding jaded.  I don't like to complain, never have.  However, there are times when being real about my stage of life demands honesty about how I feel and what I need from my God and Father. 

Today I read Hebrews 2 and I had to ask what it looks like for God to give help.  Hebrews 2:16 through 18 both speak to God coming to the aid and help of those that need Him.  I've been in ministry now for sixteen years and I understand what it means to have a redemptive Father.  I know Him as a sacrifice for my sins. I'll never be able to fully comprehend that, but as glorious as it is to know the depths of my salvation there are moments where my eternal inheritance does not carry the weight of today.

"Come to me all who are heavy laden and I will give you rest."  This verse sounds good and I understand it to read as a promise, but it is contingent on me coming to Him first.  It's a tough place when you get so jaded you don't even want to come to Him, but it's real.  We close off and hold the world at bay.  The continued on slot of daily struggles keep us from ever caring about His promises.  It's in those moments we recognize mercy.  That leads me to my next blog...

Father, I need strength and wisdom to be the man you called me to be.  Never let this life be the focus of my struggle, but the prize of knowing your glorious presence.  Hold my family in your grip and allow me to see the tangible presence of your power and grace.  I love you Father.

                                                                                                     April 30, 2012

I've often criticized traditions or customs from older days that I felt were outdated or unnecessary without ever understanding why those practices were there in the first place.  A large part of that immaturity in my life is rooted in arrogance that thinks my ways are better.  The older I get the more I see this in me and I work diligently at breaking this prideful mindset.  Today's reading in 2 Samuel 6:3 showed me once again that God's ways don't need my input or expertise to improve them, but that obedience to the old ways will do just fine.

Here we have King David doing a good thing in bringing the ark of God back to the city of David, but there is a small detail that sticks out in my mind.  In verse 3 is states, "They placed the ark of God on a new cart that they might bring it from the house of Abinadab which was on the hill; and Uzzah and Ahio, the sons of Abinadab, were leading the new cart." I'm sure everyone thought this moment would be filled with joy and excitement as they danced and celebrated the return of the ark, but instead if was one of grief and loss as they gave way to their own arrogance.  In the midst of doing something great they brought their new and improved ways to the event and forgot the instructions of the Lord.  Some young guy like myself thought to himself, "Why not use a new cart that will make things easier and faster?  I'm sure no one wants to use those old acacia wood polls and have to lug that heavy thing down the mountain."  However, when the ox stumbled and Uzzah put his hand on the ark to settle it, it cost him his life.

Here is the problem with our way of thinking, it's not God's way of thinking.  When God gives clear direction in my life His desire is not for me to improve it, it's to obey it.  If I'm ever going to understand a depth of maturity in my walk with Christ I have to put my ego aside and understand a humbleness that leads to a right understanding of my place before Christ.  God doesn't need my help to make the christian life easier or more productive.  He needs me to come to a place of reliance and understanding that His Ways are enough and that sometimes the heart of what I deem tradition has a rightful place and purpose in this spiritual journey.

Father today I want to acknowledge that I'm not always comfortable with your ways, but I want to be.  I want to depend on You for my direction and purpose.  I want to trust in You with all my heart and lean not in my own understanding.  I want to acknowledge Your ways in order for You to direct my path.  I want to grow in You.  Thank you for loving me in spite of my pride.  I love You Father.

                                                                                                                                           April 5, 2012

The older I get the more and more I feel like I'm not at home here.  I'm not talking about Pueblo, CO or even the past places of Hawaii or Denver.  I'm talking about earth.  It's that feeling that everything seems foreign or out of place in my mind.  It's that round peg in a square hole feeling.  It's not a glaring thing or even an unsettling thing, it's just a feeling that seems to drip its influence into regular everyday life.

Today I read Ruth 1 & 2, Psalm 53 & 61 and 2 Corinthians 5.  It's Paul's words in 2 Cor. that permeate within me.  These are words that bring great courage and hope into the future that my Father has for me.  The words of Paul are words that speak to a great future and home.  It's found in 2 Cor. 5:8 that says, "We are of good courage, I say, and prefer rather to be absent from the body and to be at home with the Lord."  To be at home is a good feeling after a long trip or a long day at work.  There is something about home that makes life a little more settled and calming.  However, the thought of being at home with the Lord is an amazing thought that brings me great joy.  It allows me to understand that this isn't as good as it's going to get.

I've been criticized before by believers that feel that I have some death wish or that I don't cherish life here as I should.  It's not that I don't dearly love my family or enjoy the ministry that God has blessed me with, but it's a soul thing.  There is something in my heart that constantly reminds me that I'm not at home here.  The beauty of that unsettled feeling is what produces an ambition to please Him here in what I do.  And within that ambition it makes the thought of that moment I enter eternity with my King a sweeter experience. It's kind of like when I walk through the door after a long day and say, "Honey, I'm home."  and I hear my kids yell, "Daddy's home!" and life settles for a brief moment.  It's that moment when I scream, "Daddy I'm home!" and know that He enjoys the thought of his child being home that reminds me that He loves me deeper than I truly understand.  But until then, I understand that verse 15 remains... "and He died for all, so that they who live might no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died and rose again on their behalf."

Father, today I recognize your goodness that has been demonstrated on my behalf.  Thank You for dieing for me and stirring my spirit to acknowledge my need for You.  May my heart, mind, soul and spirit be focused on You and Your desires for my life.  I want to understand faithfulness in my walk and my words as I seek to serve You and your Bride.  Thank You Father for all that You have done and I say thank You for all that I know You are going to do.  Father, I love You....

                                                                                                                                               April 2, 2012

I had dinner the other night with a guy that made the statement, "I don't judge nobody."  That statement stuck in my mind for a few days as I asked myself the question, "How often do I really judge others in my everyday life?"  Today as I was reading in the book of Judges, without realizing it, I answered that question in my heart with unsettling clarity.  The Word revealed that I have a tendency to frequently gauge my place before God in accordance with how God viewed people of status in scripture.  What I mean by that is simple.  I think I'm better than people, well, not better than them, I just think God loves me more.  That's messed up, right?

Well, today I was reading about Sampson in Judges 13-16.  Here Sampson's life is chronicled from his birth to his death in just three chapters.  But these three chapters are full of excerpts that were pivotal life moments. Monumental moments that I might just pass over if I were in a hurry to read through this book.  These moments clarify his calling as a Nazirite, they detail his lifestyle as a womanizer, they capture his anger and they point to his pride and arrogance as a man of great strength.  He marries a Philistine women against the wishes of his parents.  He spends the night with a harlot in Gaza after his wife dies. He burns the crops of the Philistines by catching three hundred foxes, and taking a torch, and then he turned the foxes tail to tail while putting the torch in the middle between the two tails. This is anger at its finest.  He allows Delilah, another women he's just sleeping with, to deceive him. He willing placed himself in a place of temptation and he ends up giving up his secret to his God given strength after she lies to him three times.  His arogance puts him in a place that ultimately led to his capture, torture and death by his own hands.

So much to talk about there, but the bottom line came in the last verse of chapter sixteen. Judges 16:31 "Then his brothers and all his father's household came down, took him, brought him up and buried him between Zorah and Eshtaol in the tomb of Manoah his father. Thus he had judged Israel twenty years." What? Did that just say he had judged Israel for twenty years?  I didn't read anything about him judging the people of Israel.  I read three chapters about a guy that lived a pitiful lifestyle and allowed his poor choices to ultimately place him in captivity... Then I heard it clearly, "So you think you're better than him?"  If I'm going to be honest in my writing I have to say that my answer was way to quick..."Yes".  If God used him than I'm gold!  I flipped through all my life choices that I've propped myself up with to make me feel superior and said I'm better than him.  Then God showed up like he normally does and said, "Not on your best day are you worth more than a pile of minstrel rages in my sight."  Today I was reminded of the power of God's grace.  My life apart from Christ is worthless.  It's Christ in me that gives me my worth as His adopted child.  Through the redeeming message of Christ on the cross I find my place of humility and brokenness before a Holy God that desires to use my broken pieces to bring Him glory.  In Christ alone...

Father, I'm pretty messed up most of the time.  I want to say thank you for caring enough about this broken creature to usher me into your Kingdom through Your saving grace.  It's by the price of Your Son that forgiveness gives me any hope in this crazy messed up thing called life.  I ask today that You give me a Christ like lens to view this world around me.  Break this judgemental spirit in me that creeps in more than I care to admit.  Help me today to recognize my place in You.  Father, I love You.

                                                                                                                                            March 22, 2012

There are days like today when my scripture reading makes me feel like an Israelite.  You know those moments when they see God show up in ways that you and I only day dream about and then they go and do something stupid like make a golden calf out of gold.  They see the Red Sea part and Pharaohs armies are consumed after they cross over on dry land, but then they grumble and ask to go back to bondage.  Well, 1 Corinthians 6 slapped me pretty hard today to the point I thought I wouldn't write about it.  However, this is why I write on my journal or blog.  It's to remind me that scripture still speaks and that the Lord still expects me to remember what He's showing me.  It's the understanding that I'm still imperfect and that my journey to know the heart of Christ continues to be a heavy cross to take up daily.

Chapter 6 of 1 Corinthians starts off by dealing with a rebuke against the people for bringing lawsuits against one another in the secular courts, but makes a segway like non other.  He shifts in verse nine to force his reader to examine their own body and actions.  Where it takes us is right at the heart of every pornography addict.  As an individual that has wrestled with this in the past and if I were completely honest would have to admit that the mental ramifications continue to have a lasting effect through my spiritual journey, I understand the lie of the modern day prostitute.  See porn addicts justify porn as a simple image with no real relational or physical connection which absolves them from thinking that they have committed adultery.  We think the act of simply observing or watching an image or movie is innocent of any real significance.  The enemy has created a perfect lie.  He's created the digital prostitute. See a prostitute is someone who engages in sexual intercourse usually for money.  We excuse it cause the addict justifies their actions by the absence of physical engagement with a prostitute and in many instances not paying for it.  But ironically the problem lies in the engagement mentally.  

In verse 15 I have to reconcile the understanding that my body is a member of Christ's.  Which means an addict that claims a relationship in Christ is joining the eyes and mind of Christ in their addiction.  An addiction that rests in an industry that was created for financial gain.  Men and women in the pornography industry are in the industry to make money.  So weather the addict pays for it or not doesn't exclude that fact that the physical participants, that are engaging the mind of the watcher, are making money based on my observation.  To a recovering addict the mental damage is far greater than any physical encounter.  We are created to remember.  We are wired to recall the past.  We are visual people.  Which is why Paul is so specific in providing a solution in verse eighteen.  Flee.  Run. Escape the presence of immorality.  Like Joseph running from the presence of Potiphar's wife. It's not just a mental thing, it's a physical act of never putting myself in the place where my mind is captured.  Paul says, "Every other sin is outside the body, but real immorality is a man that sins against his own body."  Meaning that my body is the property of Christ.  I'm simply a steward of it. If I engage my mind or my eyes in sexual immorality then I'm choosing to engage Christ in the midst of my sin.  Bottom line, sexual sin is more dangerous than any other physical act of sinful behaviour.  It kills the mind and heart of the believer.  It warps the way we see Christ and his creation.  It brings a guilt and shame that mars the intentions of the Spirit's conviction in my life.  It makes me numb to the very presence of Christ in me.  Pornography is the greatest deception in the modern church.  Sadly enough it's the topic that the church doesn't want to talk about while men and women every Sunday sit wrapped up in sexual bondage both mentally and spiritually.

Lord, give me the tenacity to guard my heart and my mind.  Lord, as Your word in Joshua today called for your people to be courageous and strong allow me to heed those words.  Give me the boldness to flee the thoughts and temptations of the enemy.  Lord my hearts desire is to be a man of Godly character and integrity.  I want to stand with those that find themselves in the midst of the struggle and help raise their countenance as men of Christ.  I want more out of my relationship with You.  I don't want to settle.  I want to know Your heart.  Give me the strength to be quick to repent and quick to listen to Your Spirit in my life when my mind wonders or heart fails.  Father I love you.

                                                                                                                                      March 20, 2012

I'm struggling a bit today to understand how our church culture meshes with the biblical view of church culture.  I have always been a proponent of pursuing the "unlovable" within our community and allowing people that the culture has rejected to find a place to belong in the body of Christ.  I want people to find the message of Christ in a place that will allow them to grow as a new believer.  I want people regardless of race, ethnicity, social status, gender or age to find my church as a place that will welcome and accept them for who they are.  Those that know me would say that I have practiced that as much as I have preached that.

My struggle today rests in my reading of Joshua 7 and 8 and 1 Cor. 5.  The army of Israel was embarrassed by the people of Ai because of sin within the community of people that God called His own.  Thirty-six men lost their lives because of this sin in the camp of God's people.  God made it clear that Joshua must consecrate the people for the sin of Achan. The price was heavy for Achan and his family as the people of Israel stoned each of them and then burned their bodies.  This seemed to be necessary before the Lord turned from the fierceness of His anger toward His people.  I could chalk this up to the account being that of an Old Testament norm, but then I read Paul's words to the Corinthians. Paul asks the question in verse 12, "Do you not judge those who are within the church?" The verse following delivers the command, "Remove the wicked man from among yourselves." These statements come after Paul's illustration of leaven leavening the whole lump of dough.  He commands the Corinthians to clean out the old leaven so that they may have a new lump.

Now before anyone thinks I'm the Queen of Hearts in "Alice In Wonderland" calling the gaurds to be off with the heads of all those that seemingly don't meet the standards of my own shortcomings, I ask for a pause.  What if we were sensitive enough to the scripture to be honest about what we in the church have begun to approve of verses what we are acceptant of?  One has to remember that the people Joshua was leading and those Paul was speaking to were considered believers or followers.  They knew better you could say.  These were people making deliberate choices that went against what they knew was righteous (right) in the eyes of God.  These are not people seeking to know His forgivness or salvation.  Now that does beg the question, "At what point does the church become diligent with the imoral actions of those that know better?"  It's a fine line that should bring great tension to the leadership of our churches.  How do we sheparherd with wisdom and yet create a place that welcomes those that are seeking to know a forgiving Savior?  This is the difference between acceptance and approval.  Are we approving the disobediants of the Christ's people at the sake of creating accepting places for unbelievers to hear the words of Christ?  I'll answer that question as soon as I deal with the sin issues in my own life...

Father give me wisdom to understand my calling and my role as a leader in the life of Your church.  I want to lead with faithfulness and obediance.  I want to know that I'm moving daily toward the words, "Well done good and faithful servant."  Help me to see people through the eyes of Christ and lead with the mind of Christ as well.  Help me to be slow to judge but quick to understand my role in making discples for Your cause.  I love you Father.

                                                                                                                                            March 12, 2012

I get really frustrated with people in the church when they speak in Churchese.  You know what that is right?  It's those religious phrases or words that only make sense to religious people that want to sound intelligent to other religious people.  Churchese sounds like this, "I'm thankful for the sanctification, by the propitiation by the blood of the Lamb, that brings justification to a sinner like me." Ugg! However, I think I sometimes fail to really understand some of the deeper things of scripture because I avoid the terms that don't make their way into my every day vocabulary.  Things like sanctification and justification are foundational elements of my faith in Jesus Christ.  They are words that draw upon the depth and meaning of Christ's love for me.

Today in Galatians 3 I read verses 23 and 24 that stated, "But before faith came, we were kept in custody under the law, being shut up to the faith which was later to be revealed. Therefore the Law has become our tutor to lead us to Christ, so that we may be justified by faith." At first I had to take another drink of my Mt. Dew to reread these two verses.  I wanted to just keep moving on, but I stopped to let this sink in.  Then it struck me, the law that I wrestle with so much is present for me as a teacher/tutor in order to bring me into a deeper understanding of my Christ.  Why is that important? So that this "justification" can change me from the inside out. Justification is the work of God where the righteousness (right ways) of Jesus is reckoned or brought over into the sinner (me) so that I am declared by God as being righteous (right) under the Law (Rom. 4:3; 5:1,9; Gal. 2:16; 3:11).  It is an attribute that implies that my actions are justified, and can have the connotation that I've been "judged" or "reckoned" as leading a life that is pleasing to God. Meaning I am are right with God.

Again, why is this important?  That sounds a lot like Chursese.  So what?  Why do I care?  Well, I care because I'm a sinful person. I'm a wreck at times.  And what this means to me is that I have been judged in the eyes of my God and I was found to be wanting.  Wanting in the fact that I could not redeem myself.  It is by my faith in who my Savior is and in what He has done to bring forgiveness to the broken places of my life that makes this understanding of justification truly matter.  My son Carter has Fragile X Syndrome and requires having a para or aid by his side each day at school.  He has this aid in his daily life to help him cope, focus, and stay on the tasks that are assigned him.  The aid doesn't force him to work, but he or she does guide him to accomplish his tasks.  Therein lies my understanding of the Law.  The Law is not to force me or demand my righteousness, but to guide me to it.  The Law brings me to a place of understanding of what Christ has done for me which in turn motivates me to want a deeper understanding of His presence in my life.

Lord, your work in my life continues to amaze me.  I'm humbled by your desire to use me and thankful for your faithfulness in my life.  Today I come before You seeking a deeper understanding of wisdom and discernment in my life.  I give you freedom to guide me and instruct me into the way of righteousness in my life.  I'm grateful for your saving work in my heart and mind.  Father I love You.

                                                                                                                   March 4, 2012

I love looking at the awkward moments of scripture.  You've read them, the moments that make the air in the room seem tense even as you read them thousands of years later.  I found one today that I've never noticed before.  Two areas of scripture that I have managed to see as separate accounts I realized today were closer than I ever imagined.  Chapters 32 and 33 of Numbers had some great insights today, but Mark 10 was speaking loud and clear.

Mark 10:34 "They will mock Him and spit on Him and scourge Him and kill Him, and three days later He will rise again."  It's a verse that captures my imagination regarding the brutality and cruelty of what was about to happen to Jesus Christ.  As I read it I can see the images in my head.  It's a intimate moment with his disciples, right?  You would think every head would be bowed and every eye closed like an invitation in our churches on Sunday's as Jesus shares his deepest moment of emotion up to this point with His disciples.  And then you read verse 35. James and John open their months like they never heard a word Jesus just said.  In the midst of this intimate moment they pipe up and say, "Teacher we want You to do for us whatever we ask of You." Jesus is kind and gives them a voice and then they take the awkwardness to whole new level.  "Grant that we may sit, one on Your right and one on Your left, in Your glory." Classic! This would be in the top ten most awkward  moments of the disciples ministry to me. 

I'm thinking to myself how I would have in this moment been struggling to come to grips that Jesus was about to give up His life by the hands of the Roman guard. Thinking I would have sat quitely in disbelief. However, my actions tell me differently.  I think of how many moments the Spirit has moved and spoken clearly to me about my actions or lack there of. How He has called me to action and I sit in in my own selfishness and act as if I never heard a thing.  I think to myself that I've done enough up to this point to earn something special, right?  I've given you so much and I've followed so faithfully and put You first time and time again that now it's time I cash in.  I want what's mine.  Bless me now!  And then I read the words of Jesus when He asks, "Are you able to drink the cup that I drink?"  I pray that my response is not the same as theirs.

Lord keep my lips shut and keep my mind open to Your words and leading.  Help me to understand that my inheritance is not in the here and now.  Help me to move beyond my selfishness in order to hear You clearly.  I don't want my selfish ambitions to be seen as petty and vain in the life of my children as they watch their father.  I want them to see a man that is willing to go when You say go and do whatever it is You call me to do, no matter the cost and no matter the place.  I love you Father.

                                                                                                                                  March 1, 2012

One of my least favorite things for dinner are leftovers. I cringe when I hear the microwave ding and I hear the words, "Dinner is ready."  I'm not quite sure why that's the case other than my experience telling me that it's going to taste old or have that half cold/half hot thing going on.  Today I found out in my reading that leftovers from our Lord are not meant to be like three day old chicken and dumplings.  His favor is meant to demonstrate His lasting effect of grace and mercy.  Numbers 28 & 29 were right in line with what you expect from that OT book, but the Word came alive in Mark 8.

I've read a multitude of times, the passages where large multitudes of four and five thousand people were fed, but I caught something today that I needed to see.  When it was all said and done here in Chapter eight, Jesus doesn't say much about the event.  All we read is that there were leftovers.  Seven large baskets of broken pieces to be exact.  However, when he fed the five thousand, verse nineteen tells me that there were twelve baskets of broken pieces leftover.  Why does this detail of the leftovers really matter to the point the author would record it?  I think it speaks to God's character like it does in Exodus when He provided enough manna and quail daily.  The simple point I'm trying to make... There is always enough when He provides.  He never comes up short with His grace or mercy.  Jesus never partially healed someone.  Jesus never left a job half completed.  He never forgot to finish what He started.  He was always enough regardless of the size and scope of the issue or perceived problem. 

He finishes this conversation with the disciples in verse 21 with a cutting question that resonates in my soul. "Do you not yet understand?" Once again He's having to pose the question, "What else do I have to do for you to learn that I am who I say that I am?"  Peter didn't get the point at this moment either.  He got rebuked again later in the same chapter for not seeing Christ for who He said He was.  Korey, wake up and let God be the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.  Stop allowing doubt, fear, worry and arrogance to cloud your understanding that the Spirit in you is enough.  The power of God's presence will today and always be enough. I really don't want to hear that question again from my Savior..."Do you not yet understand?" Korey, there will always be leftovers when I allow Him room to move

Father, I got nothing to offer today.  All I can say is, "thank You" for putting up with my lack of understanding and moments of belief.  I'm recognizing that I'm a "fixer" cause I don't trust You anymore than your own followers did.  Help me to see the leftovers.  Help me to love the leftovers.  Bring healing to my soul today.  I worship You for who You are and who I know You are going to continue to be.  I love you Father.

                                                                                                             February 23, 2012

There is a growing struggle to focus on one part of scripture each day when you find yourself reading from multiple areas of God's Word.  Today I wrestled with a portion of each part of my reading in Numbers 12, 13 and in Mark 2.  But the final word that rested on my spirit was found in Psalm 90.  Here I read a prayer of Moses that ends in verse 17, "Let the favor of the Lord our God be upon us; and confirm for us the work of our hands; yes, confirm the work of our hands."

Mosses words are dripping with the urge to know God's wisdom and favor in the midst of his later years of life.  He is pleading even for his future generations.  Moses hones in on his understanding reguarding his limited days of life.  He's speaking from the depths of his heart as he expresses the desire to present to his God a heart of wisdom. His tone speaks as a longing for his Lords return in accompaniment with his words.

My heart today resonated with verse 17 because I hate my nature as a "fixer".  I'm wired to be busy.  I feel greatly unprofitable when I slow down so I create work for myself.  I rarely stop to think or ask whether the work of my hands is Godly.  My understanding is prefaced in my mind as work for the ministry.  I mean I work for a church so I must be doing the right things, right?  God is teaching me that ministry in my mind is not always the ministry of His heart.  I'm tired of working for work sake.  I want my hours to matter to His Kingdom, not mine.  I don't want to be driven to make a name for myself, but to make His name great.  I want to go home at the end of the day and know that the work of my hands is confirmed by the One I seek to make famous.  Yet, my heart struggles to see the fine line between my fame and His.

Lord, break my pride.  Remove the arrogance of my rebel spirit.  Help me today to understand that I am nothing without You.  Lord let my children see a man that is more concerned about a lost world than he is about his material posessions or his down time.  I want to bring down the walls that prevent people from seeing the work that You are doing in me regardless of the person they may truly see.  I know I'm imperfect and selfish.  Break that in me. Father, I love You.