July 23, 2012

What's the difference between hope and living hope?  1 Peter 1:3-9 speaks to the reality that my common day idea of hope is so inadequate.  In my family we hope the Bronco's will make it back to the Superbowl.  I hope my kids don't break something today.  I hope my lunch is better than yesterday.  I hope in a lot of things that really, at the end of the day, carry with them very little concern or consequence if they never come to fruition... except the Bronco's and the Superbowl of course. Living hope is a drastically different understanding when I speak of the hope I have in my Lord and Savior.

Regardless of the realities that overwhelm my life I understand something that changes my perspective that most of the world doesn't understand.  Today is not really about today.  See many of us wake up wondering about today and what difficulties we may face through out it, but what if I saw those difficulties as the very thing that made my future even sweeter?  What if the trials were only a measuring stick to determine the proof of my faith?  Peter talks about the proof of my faith resulting in a greater understanding of praise, glory, and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.  So if I understand this right it means that as my faith strengthens because of the trial then my understanding of his glory will be even greater.

So today, and the trials within it, really becomes about the testing of my faith so that my future may understand a greater depth of His presence and the joy inexpressible of knowing Him.  Understanding a living hope is a paradigm shift in our understanding of the word hope.  It transforms this word that communicates a mere desire for a desired outcome into a understanding that our hearts lock onto something as a pit bull does to a bone.  It's knowing that I don't let go of something until the moment of my choosing, not the worlds.  My hope is locked onto the fact that my King will be returning during or after this temporal stint in a world filled with suffering and pain.  That hope understands that when He does return there is an inheritance that will not pass away as a result of my faith in His salvation.

Father allow me to see the trials and difficulties as they are, trials for the purification of my faith.  Allow me to hold on to this living hope as dearly as life itself.  Thank you for allowing me to see that this journey is not about making my name famous, but yours.  Thank for loving me and allowing me to see the goodness of your character even in the midst of this fallen world.  I love you Father.

                                                                                                                                 July 21, 2012

I write today as a weary and tired father.  I'm tempted to keep this post private like I have so many others regarding my journey as an adoptive parent. I've been angry, sad, and disappointed at so many different points on this road and I maintain the opinion that adoption has been my greatest challenge in both ministry and life. Don't get me wrong, there have been moments of great joy and pride that have come from the progression of my children and their steps to growing up, but the steps are painstaking at times.  I hate sounding jaded.  I don't like to complain, never have.  However, there are times when being real about my stage of life demands honesty about how I feel and what I need from my God and Father. 

Today I read Hebrews 2 and I had to ask what it looks like for God to give help.  Hebrews 2:16 through 18 both speak to God coming to the aid and help of those that need Him.  I've been in ministry now for sixteen years and I understand what it means to have a redemptive Father.  I know Him as a sacrifice for my sins. I'll never be able to fully comprehend that, but as glorious as it is to know the depths of my salvation there are moments where my eternal inheritance does not carry the weight of today.

"Come to me all who are heavy laden and I will give you rest."  This verse sounds good and I understand it to read as a promise, but it is contingent on me coming to Him first.  It's a tough place when you get so jaded you don't even want to come to Him, but it's real.  We close off and hold the world at bay.  The continued on slot of daily struggles keep us from ever caring about His promises.  It's in those moments we recognize mercy.  That leads me to my next blog...

Father, I need strength and wisdom to be the man you called me to be.  Never let this life be the focus of my struggle, but the prize of knowing your glorious presence.  Hold my family in your grip and allow me to see the tangible presence of your power and grace.  I love you Father.

                                                                                                     April 30, 2012

I've often criticized traditions or customs from older days that I felt were outdated or unnecessary without ever understanding why those practices were there in the first place.  A large part of that immaturity in my life is rooted in arrogance that thinks my ways are better.  The older I get the more I see this in me and I work diligently at breaking this prideful mindset.  Today's reading in 2 Samuel 6:3 showed me once again that God's ways don't need my input or expertise to improve them, but that obedience to the old ways will do just fine.

Here we have King David doing a good thing in bringing the ark of God back to the city of David, but there is a small detail that sticks out in my mind.  In verse 3 is states, "They placed the ark of God on a new cart that they might bring it from the house of Abinadab which was on the hill; and Uzzah and Ahio, the sons of Abinadab, were leading the new cart." I'm sure everyone thought this moment would be filled with joy and excitement as they danced and celebrated the return of the ark, but instead if was one of grief and loss as they gave way to their own arrogance.  In the midst of doing something great they brought their new and improved ways to the event and forgot the instructions of the Lord.  Some young guy like myself thought to himself, "Why not use a new cart that will make things easier and faster?  I'm sure no one wants to use those old acacia wood polls and have to lug that heavy thing down the mountain."  However, when the ox stumbled and Uzzah put his hand on the ark to settle it, it cost him his life.

Here is the problem with our way of thinking, it's not God's way of thinking.  When God gives clear direction in my life His desire is not for me to improve it, it's to obey it.  If I'm ever going to understand a depth of maturity in my walk with Christ I have to put my ego aside and understand a humbleness that leads to a right understanding of my place before Christ.  God doesn't need my help to make the christian life easier or more productive.  He needs me to come to a place of reliance and understanding that His Ways are enough and that sometimes the heart of what I deem tradition has a rightful place and purpose in this spiritual journey.

Father today I want to acknowledge that I'm not always comfortable with your ways, but I want to be.  I want to depend on You for my direction and purpose.  I want to trust in You with all my heart and lean not in my own understanding.  I want to acknowledge Your ways in order for You to direct my path.  I want to grow in You.  Thank you for loving me in spite of my pride.  I love You Father.

                                                                                                                                           April 5, 2012

The older I get the more and more I feel like I'm not at home here.  I'm not talking about Pueblo, CO or even the past places of Hawaii or Denver.  I'm talking about earth.  It's that feeling that everything seems foreign or out of place in my mind.  It's that round peg in a square hole feeling.  It's not a glaring thing or even an unsettling thing, it's just a feeling that seems to drip its influence into regular everyday life.

Today I read Ruth 1 & 2, Psalm 53 & 61 and 2 Corinthians 5.  It's Paul's words in 2 Cor. that permeate within me.  These are words that bring great courage and hope into the future that my Father has for me.  The words of Paul are words that speak to a great future and home.  It's found in 2 Cor. 5:8 that says, "We are of good courage, I say, and prefer rather to be absent from the body and to be at home with the Lord."  To be at home is a good feeling after a long trip or a long day at work.  There is something about home that makes life a little more settled and calming.  However, the thought of being at home with the Lord is an amazing thought that brings me great joy.  It allows me to understand that this isn't as good as it's going to get.

I've been criticized before by believers that feel that I have some death wish or that I don't cherish life here as I should.  It's not that I don't dearly love my family or enjoy the ministry that God has blessed me with, but it's a soul thing.  There is something in my heart that constantly reminds me that I'm not at home here.  The beauty of that unsettled feeling is what produces an ambition to please Him here in what I do.  And within that ambition it makes the thought of that moment I enter eternity with my King a sweeter experience. It's kind of like when I walk through the door after a long day and say, "Honey, I'm home."  and I hear my kids yell, "Daddy's home!" and life settles for a brief moment.  It's that moment when I scream, "Daddy I'm home!" and know that He enjoys the thought of his child being home that reminds me that He loves me deeper than I truly understand.  But until then, I understand that verse 15 remains... "and He died for all, so that they who live might no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died and rose again on their behalf."

Father, today I recognize your goodness that has been demonstrated on my behalf.  Thank You for dieing for me and stirring my spirit to acknowledge my need for You.  May my heart, mind, soul and spirit be focused on You and Your desires for my life.  I want to understand faithfulness in my walk and my words as I seek to serve You and your Bride.  Thank You Father for all that You have done and I say thank You for all that I know You are going to do.  Father, I love You....

                                                                                                                                               April 2, 2012

I had dinner the other night with a guy that made the statement, "I don't judge nobody."  That statement stuck in my mind for a few days as I asked myself the question, "How often do I really judge others in my everyday life?"  Today as I was reading in the book of Judges, without realizing it, I answered that question in my heart with unsettling clarity.  The Word revealed that I have a tendency to frequently gauge my place before God in accordance with how God viewed people of status in scripture.  What I mean by that is simple.  I think I'm better than people, well, not better than them, I just think God loves me more.  That's messed up, right?

Well, today I was reading about Sampson in Judges 13-16.  Here Sampson's life is chronicled from his birth to his death in just three chapters.  But these three chapters are full of excerpts that were pivotal life moments. Monumental moments that I might just pass over if I were in a hurry to read through this book.  These moments clarify his calling as a Nazirite, they detail his lifestyle as a womanizer, they capture his anger and they point to his pride and arrogance as a man of great strength.  He marries a Philistine women against the wishes of his parents.  He spends the night with a harlot in Gaza after his wife dies. He burns the crops of the Philistines by catching three hundred foxes, and taking a torch, and then he turned the foxes tail to tail while putting the torch in the middle between the two tails. This is anger at its finest.  He allows Delilah, another women he's just sleeping with, to deceive him. He willing placed himself in a place of temptation and he ends up giving up his secret to his God given strength after she lies to him three times.  His arogance puts him in a place that ultimately led to his capture, torture and death by his own hands.

So much to talk about there, but the bottom line came in the last verse of chapter sixteen. Judges 16:31 "Then his brothers and all his father's household came down, took him, brought him up and buried him between Zorah and Eshtaol in the tomb of Manoah his father. Thus he had judged Israel twenty years." What? Did that just say he had judged Israel for twenty years?  I didn't read anything about him judging the people of Israel.  I read three chapters about a guy that lived a pitiful lifestyle and allowed his poor choices to ultimately place him in captivity... Then I heard it clearly, "So you think you're better than him?"  If I'm going to be honest in my writing I have to say that my answer was way to quick..."Yes".  If God used him than I'm gold!  I flipped through all my life choices that I've propped myself up with to make me feel superior and said I'm better than him.  Then God showed up like he normally does and said, "Not on your best day are you worth more than a pile of minstrel rages in my sight."  Today I was reminded of the power of God's grace.  My life apart from Christ is worthless.  It's Christ in me that gives me my worth as His adopted child.  Through the redeeming message of Christ on the cross I find my place of humility and brokenness before a Holy God that desires to use my broken pieces to bring Him glory.  In Christ alone...

Father, I'm pretty messed up most of the time.  I want to say thank you for caring enough about this broken creature to usher me into your Kingdom through Your saving grace.  It's by the price of Your Son that forgiveness gives me any hope in this crazy messed up thing called life.  I ask today that You give me a Christ like lens to view this world around me.  Break this judgemental spirit in me that creeps in more than I care to admit.  Help me today to recognize my place in You.  Father, I love You.

                                                                                                                                            March 22, 2012

There are days like today when my scripture reading makes me feel like an Israelite.  You know those moments when they see God show up in ways that you and I only day dream about and then they go and do something stupid like make a golden calf out of gold.  They see the Red Sea part and Pharaohs armies are consumed after they cross over on dry land, but then they grumble and ask to go back to bondage.  Well, 1 Corinthians 6 slapped me pretty hard today to the point I thought I wouldn't write about it.  However, this is why I write on my journal or blog.  It's to remind me that scripture still speaks and that the Lord still expects me to remember what He's showing me.  It's the understanding that I'm still imperfect and that my journey to know the heart of Christ continues to be a heavy cross to take up daily.

Chapter 6 of 1 Corinthians starts off by dealing with a rebuke against the people for bringing lawsuits against one another in the secular courts, but makes a segway like non other.  He shifts in verse nine to force his reader to examine their own body and actions.  Where it takes us is right at the heart of every pornography addict.  As an individual that has wrestled with this in the past and if I were completely honest would have to admit that the mental ramifications continue to have a lasting effect through my spiritual journey, I understand the lie of the modern day prostitute.  See porn addicts justify porn as a simple image with no real relational or physical connection which absolves them from thinking that they have committed adultery.  We think the act of simply observing or watching an image or movie is innocent of any real significance.  The enemy has created a perfect lie.  He's created the digital prostitute. See a prostitute is someone who engages in sexual intercourse usually for money.  We excuse it cause the addict justifies their actions by the absence of physical engagement with a prostitute and in many instances not paying for it.  But ironically the problem lies in the engagement mentally.  

In verse 15 I have to reconcile the understanding that my body is a member of Christ's.  Which means an addict that claims a relationship in Christ is joining the eyes and mind of Christ in their addiction.  An addiction that rests in an industry that was created for financial gain.  Men and women in the pornography industry are in the industry to make money.  So weather the addict pays for it or not doesn't exclude that fact that the physical participants, that are engaging the mind of the watcher, are making money based on my observation.  To a recovering addict the mental damage is far greater than any physical encounter.  We are created to remember.  We are wired to recall the past.  We are visual people.  Which is why Paul is so specific in providing a solution in verse eighteen.  Flee.  Run. Escape the presence of immorality.  Like Joseph running from the presence of Potiphar's wife. It's not just a mental thing, it's a physical act of never putting myself in the place where my mind is captured.  Paul says, "Every other sin is outside the body, but real immorality is a man that sins against his own body."  Meaning that my body is the property of Christ.  I'm simply a steward of it. If I engage my mind or my eyes in sexual immorality then I'm choosing to engage Christ in the midst of my sin.  Bottom line, sexual sin is more dangerous than any other physical act of sinful behaviour.  It kills the mind and heart of the believer.  It warps the way we see Christ and his creation.  It brings a guilt and shame that mars the intentions of the Spirit's conviction in my life.  It makes me numb to the very presence of Christ in me.  Pornography is the greatest deception in the modern church.  Sadly enough it's the topic that the church doesn't want to talk about while men and women every Sunday sit wrapped up in sexual bondage both mentally and spiritually.

Lord, give me the tenacity to guard my heart and my mind.  Lord, as Your word in Joshua today called for your people to be courageous and strong allow me to heed those words.  Give me the boldness to flee the thoughts and temptations of the enemy.  Lord my hearts desire is to be a man of Godly character and integrity.  I want to stand with those that find themselves in the midst of the struggle and help raise their countenance as men of Christ.  I want more out of my relationship with You.  I don't want to settle.  I want to know Your heart.  Give me the strength to be quick to repent and quick to listen to Your Spirit in my life when my mind wonders or heart fails.  Father I love you.

                                                                                                                                      March 20, 2012

I'm struggling a bit today to understand how our church culture meshes with the biblical view of church culture.  I have always been a proponent of pursuing the "unlovable" within our community and allowing people that the culture has rejected to find a place to belong in the body of Christ.  I want people to find the message of Christ in a place that will allow them to grow as a new believer.  I want people regardless of race, ethnicity, social status, gender or age to find my church as a place that will welcome and accept them for who they are.  Those that know me would say that I have practiced that as much as I have preached that.

My struggle today rests in my reading of Joshua 7 and 8 and 1 Cor. 5.  The army of Israel was embarrassed by the people of Ai because of sin within the community of people that God called His own.  Thirty-six men lost their lives because of this sin in the camp of God's people.  God made it clear that Joshua must consecrate the people for the sin of Achan. The price was heavy for Achan and his family as the people of Israel stoned each of them and then burned their bodies.  This seemed to be necessary before the Lord turned from the fierceness of His anger toward His people.  I could chalk this up to the account being that of an Old Testament norm, but then I read Paul's words to the Corinthians. Paul asks the question in verse 12, "Do you not judge those who are within the church?" The verse following delivers the command, "Remove the wicked man from among yourselves." These statements come after Paul's illustration of leaven leavening the whole lump of dough.  He commands the Corinthians to clean out the old leaven so that they may have a new lump.

Now before anyone thinks I'm the Queen of Hearts in "Alice In Wonderland" calling the gaurds to be off with the heads of all those that seemingly don't meet the standards of my own shortcomings, I ask for a pause.  What if we were sensitive enough to the scripture to be honest about what we in the church have begun to approve of verses what we are acceptant of?  One has to remember that the people Joshua was leading and those Paul was speaking to were considered believers or followers.  They knew better you could say.  These were people making deliberate choices that went against what they knew was righteous (right) in the eyes of God.  These are not people seeking to know His forgivness or salvation.  Now that does beg the question, "At what point does the church become diligent with the imoral actions of those that know better?"  It's a fine line that should bring great tension to the leadership of our churches.  How do we sheparherd with wisdom and yet create a place that welcomes those that are seeking to know a forgiving Savior?  This is the difference between acceptance and approval.  Are we approving the disobediants of the Christ's people at the sake of creating accepting places for unbelievers to hear the words of Christ?  I'll answer that question as soon as I deal with the sin issues in my own life...

Father give me wisdom to understand my calling and my role as a leader in the life of Your church.  I want to lead with faithfulness and obediance.  I want to know that I'm moving daily toward the words, "Well done good and faithful servant."  Help me to see people through the eyes of Christ and lead with the mind of Christ as well.  Help me to be slow to judge but quick to understand my role in making discples for Your cause.  I love you Father.

                                                                                                                                            March 12, 2012

I get really frustrated with people in the church when they speak in Churchese.  You know what that is right?  It's those religious phrases or words that only make sense to religious people that want to sound intelligent to other religious people.  Churchese sounds like this, "I'm thankful for the sanctification, by the propitiation by the blood of the Lamb, that brings justification to a sinner like me." Ugg! However, I think I sometimes fail to really understand some of the deeper things of scripture because I avoid the terms that don't make their way into my every day vocabulary.  Things like sanctification and justification are foundational elements of my faith in Jesus Christ.  They are words that draw upon the depth and meaning of Christ's love for me.

Today in Galatians 3 I read verses 23 and 24 that stated, "But before faith came, we were kept in custody under the law, being shut up to the faith which was later to be revealed. Therefore the Law has become our tutor to lead us to Christ, so that we may be justified by faith." At first I had to take another drink of my Mt. Dew to reread these two verses.  I wanted to just keep moving on, but I stopped to let this sink in.  Then it struck me, the law that I wrestle with so much is present for me as a teacher/tutor in order to bring me into a deeper understanding of my Christ.  Why is that important? So that this "justification" can change me from the inside out. Justification is the work of God where the righteousness (right ways) of Jesus is reckoned or brought over into the sinner (me) so that I am declared by God as being righteous (right) under the Law (Rom. 4:3; 5:1,9; Gal. 2:16; 3:11).  It is an attribute that implies that my actions are justified, and can have the connotation that I've been "judged" or "reckoned" as leading a life that is pleasing to God. Meaning I am are right with God.

Again, why is this important?  That sounds a lot like Chursese.  So what?  Why do I care?  Well, I care because I'm a sinful person. I'm a wreck at times.  And what this means to me is that I have been judged in the eyes of my God and I was found to be wanting.  Wanting in the fact that I could not redeem myself.  It is by my faith in who my Savior is and in what He has done to bring forgiveness to the broken places of my life that makes this understanding of justification truly matter.  My son Carter has Fragile X Syndrome and requires having a para or aid by his side each day at school.  He has this aid in his daily life to help him cope, focus, and stay on the tasks that are assigned him.  The aid doesn't force him to work, but he or she does guide him to accomplish his tasks.  Therein lies my understanding of the Law.  The Law is not to force me or demand my righteousness, but to guide me to it.  The Law brings me to a place of understanding of what Christ has done for me which in turn motivates me to want a deeper understanding of His presence in my life.

Lord, your work in my life continues to amaze me.  I'm humbled by your desire to use me and thankful for your faithfulness in my life.  Today I come before You seeking a deeper understanding of wisdom and discernment in my life.  I give you freedom to guide me and instruct me into the way of righteousness in my life.  I'm grateful for your saving work in my heart and mind.  Father I love You.

                                                                                                                   March 4, 2012

I love looking at the awkward moments of scripture.  You've read them, the moments that make the air in the room seem tense even as you read them thousands of years later.  I found one today that I've never noticed before.  Two areas of scripture that I have managed to see as separate accounts I realized today were closer than I ever imagined.  Chapters 32 and 33 of Numbers had some great insights today, but Mark 10 was speaking loud and clear.

Mark 10:34 "They will mock Him and spit on Him and scourge Him and kill Him, and three days later He will rise again."  It's a verse that captures my imagination regarding the brutality and cruelty of what was about to happen to Jesus Christ.  As I read it I can see the images in my head.  It's a intimate moment with his disciples, right?  You would think every head would be bowed and every eye closed like an invitation in our churches on Sunday's as Jesus shares his deepest moment of emotion up to this point with His disciples.  And then you read verse 35. James and John open their months like they never heard a word Jesus just said.  In the midst of this intimate moment they pipe up and say, "Teacher we want You to do for us whatever we ask of You." Jesus is kind and gives them a voice and then they take the awkwardness to whole new level.  "Grant that we may sit, one on Your right and one on Your left, in Your glory." Classic! This would be in the top ten most awkward  moments of the disciples ministry to me. 

I'm thinking to myself how I would have in this moment been struggling to come to grips that Jesus was about to give up His life by the hands of the Roman guard. Thinking I would have sat quitely in disbelief. However, my actions tell me differently.  I think of how many moments the Spirit has moved and spoken clearly to me about my actions or lack there of. How He has called me to action and I sit in in my own selfishness and act as if I never heard a thing.  I think to myself that I've done enough up to this point to earn something special, right?  I've given you so much and I've followed so faithfully and put You first time and time again that now it's time I cash in.  I want what's mine.  Bless me now!  And then I read the words of Jesus when He asks, "Are you able to drink the cup that I drink?"  I pray that my response is not the same as theirs.

Lord keep my lips shut and keep my mind open to Your words and leading.  Help me to understand that my inheritance is not in the here and now.  Help me to move beyond my selfishness in order to hear You clearly.  I don't want my selfish ambitions to be seen as petty and vain in the life of my children as they watch their father.  I want them to see a man that is willing to go when You say go and do whatever it is You call me to do, no matter the cost and no matter the place.  I love you Father.

                                                                                                                                  March 1, 2012

One of my least favorite things for dinner are leftovers. I cringe when I hear the microwave ding and I hear the words, "Dinner is ready."  I'm not quite sure why that's the case other than my experience telling me that it's going to taste old or have that half cold/half hot thing going on.  Today I found out in my reading that leftovers from our Lord are not meant to be like three day old chicken and dumplings.  His favor is meant to demonstrate His lasting effect of grace and mercy.  Numbers 28 & 29 were right in line with what you expect from that OT book, but the Word came alive in Mark 8.

I've read a multitude of times, the passages where large multitudes of four and five thousand people were fed, but I caught something today that I needed to see.  When it was all said and done here in Chapter eight, Jesus doesn't say much about the event.  All we read is that there were leftovers.  Seven large baskets of broken pieces to be exact.  However, when he fed the five thousand, verse nineteen tells me that there were twelve baskets of broken pieces leftover.  Why does this detail of the leftovers really matter to the point the author would record it?  I think it speaks to God's character like it does in Exodus when He provided enough manna and quail daily.  The simple point I'm trying to make... There is always enough when He provides.  He never comes up short with His grace or mercy.  Jesus never partially healed someone.  Jesus never left a job half completed.  He never forgot to finish what He started.  He was always enough regardless of the size and scope of the issue or perceived problem. 

He finishes this conversation with the disciples in verse 21 with a cutting question that resonates in my soul. "Do you not yet understand?" Once again He's having to pose the question, "What else do I have to do for you to learn that I am who I say that I am?"  Peter didn't get the point at this moment either.  He got rebuked again later in the same chapter for not seeing Christ for who He said He was.  Korey, wake up and let God be the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.  Stop allowing doubt, fear, worry and arrogance to cloud your understanding that the Spirit in you is enough.  The power of God's presence will today and always be enough. I really don't want to hear that question again from my Savior..."Do you not yet understand?" Korey, there will always be leftovers when I allow Him room to move

Father, I got nothing to offer today.  All I can say is, "thank You" for putting up with my lack of understanding and moments of belief.  I'm recognizing that I'm a "fixer" cause I don't trust You anymore than your own followers did.  Help me to see the leftovers.  Help me to love the leftovers.  Bring healing to my soul today.  I worship You for who You are and who I know You are going to continue to be.  I love you Father.