Adaption vs. Adoption Part I
Published by Korey Buchanek under on 11:59 PM
April 14, 2010
Have you ever wondered what people within the life of the church would think if they knew the real you? That voice telling you that you wouldn't be welcome if the church uncovered your private sin in a public manner? It's a miserable thing when that shame and guilt creep in telling us that we would be unlovable by God's people if they knew the real us. My struggle lately is that I’m not sure that this emotion isn't more truthful than not. I'm beginning to see that the spirit of restoration inside the local church is a lost art form. I'm beginning to see a spirit in the church that models the difference between adaption verses adoption.
Some of you may not understand that I'm the father of two adopted little boys. Little boys that came to us with needs that were beyond our comprehension at the time. Needs that society would garnish over them with politically correct phrases like "special needs" or "mental retardation." Their vocabulary was delayed and their social skills are inept at times. They don't act the way that a lot of other children act in certain situations. They struggle academically and act out when they get frustrated in ways that scare people who don't understand their demeanor. However, none of those things prevent me from being their dad. None of those things make me shun them when they don't meet expectations. The reality of it all is that I've come to the point of accepting them and their issues. I know I can either embrace them or continue to force something upon them that they don't understand. I can assume that I'm smart enough to modify their behavior when they don't understand that there's a problem to modify.
I see the way people look at them and how at times their treated differently than other children. I see how some people are uncomfortable with them and are fearful of what they may do. I've struggled with this because I want them to be like me. I want them to be accepted. I want them to be noticed for all the right reasons. However, the simple fact of the matter is they may never match up to any of my standards when it's all said and done. The question is, am I alright with that? The answer is yes. See I adopted them. That means I took them to be my own. I didn't simply give them a place to visit or live in; I choose them to bear my name. I invited them to be part of my life and I theirs. I adopted them.
What I’m beginning to learn is that the church is becoming more concerned with the adaption more than the adoption of a dying and hurting world. We have begun to measure success by how effectively people have adapted to our church cultures more than the effectiveness of our churches at adopting people. In my spirit I see people that are pursuing Christ or on the verge of exploring their desire of Him as children that are in need of a spiritual home. These people are at a point in their spiritual knowledge that they don't understand the need to modify their behaviors. They don't understand their "special needs." They don't call sin, sin. They don't refer to themselves as lost. They don't understand what the Bible says nor do they care for the most part. They simply understand a need to belong and be loved. Everyone wants to be loved. It's a basic and primary need in all of us.
The church culture communicates a mixed message to a world that finds itself on the outside looking in. It says in many ways, "If you want our love then you need to change first." We don't say it like that, but we demonstrate how proud we are of people based on their progress to adapt. We praise their involvement and commend them for their faithfulness, especially tithers. We assume that people that actually "get it" are the people that we invest in the most. Those that struggle to meet our expectations in many ways get placed on the sidelines and in many cases, simply forgotten. We want them to understand the first day in our home that they need to dress differently. They need to talk differently. They need to live differently. And until they do many times they don't receive our love.
The church in my eyes lately has shown the inability to embrace people when they don't meet our expectations. We have experienced epic failure at communicating that personal failure does not cost you our love. We have communicated that failure will cost you your titles, positions and prominence within the family and then cost you your family altogether. We have told people to find new homes because they took too long to adapt, or adapted in different ways than we wanted, or simply fell after we thought they were one of the family. It would break my heart to think that one of my children simply behaves for fear of losing their family. The thought that one of my boys might wake up tomorrow wondering if I was going to give them away because they disappointed me would devastate my world. But honestly, people that find themselves on the outskirts of our Christian community don't capture my heart at all sometimes. People fall through the cracks of our churches daily and many are never thought of again.
I’m not saying that sin issues shouldn’t be issues. I’m saying that sin issues should be understood as sin issues and addressed with restoration in mind, not divorce. I’m saying that unspiritual people shouldn’t be held to standards of the spiritually mature. I’m saying that spiritual infants will act like infants and all the spiritual braw beating in the world won’t cause them to grow any faster in their pursuit of the King. I’m asking the question, “Do we understand that reaching out to a fallen world is messy?” Their lives are filled with chaos and many of their realities don’t have easy answers. They carry deep hurts and wounds that cause them to act out. They don’t play well with others sometimes. They will at times disappoint us, but at the end of the day is our focus on helping people adapt to our church cultures or helping people see that they are adopted by the King? Adoption is not for the faint of heart, but carries some of the richest blessings. Who have you adopted lately?
Have you ever wondered what people within the life of the church would think if they knew the real you? That voice telling you that you wouldn't be welcome if the church uncovered your private sin in a public manner? It's a miserable thing when that shame and guilt creep in telling us that we would be unlovable by God's people if they knew the real us. My struggle lately is that I’m not sure that this emotion isn't more truthful than not. I'm beginning to see that the spirit of restoration inside the local church is a lost art form. I'm beginning to see a spirit in the church that models the difference between adaption verses adoption.
Some of you may not understand that I'm the father of two adopted little boys. Little boys that came to us with needs that were beyond our comprehension at the time. Needs that society would garnish over them with politically correct phrases like "special needs" or "mental retardation." Their vocabulary was delayed and their social skills are inept at times. They don't act the way that a lot of other children act in certain situations. They struggle academically and act out when they get frustrated in ways that scare people who don't understand their demeanor. However, none of those things prevent me from being their dad. None of those things make me shun them when they don't meet expectations. The reality of it all is that I've come to the point of accepting them and their issues. I know I can either embrace them or continue to force something upon them that they don't understand. I can assume that I'm smart enough to modify their behavior when they don't understand that there's a problem to modify.
I see the way people look at them and how at times their treated differently than other children. I see how some people are uncomfortable with them and are fearful of what they may do. I've struggled with this because I want them to be like me. I want them to be accepted. I want them to be noticed for all the right reasons. However, the simple fact of the matter is they may never match up to any of my standards when it's all said and done. The question is, am I alright with that? The answer is yes. See I adopted them. That means I took them to be my own. I didn't simply give them a place to visit or live in; I choose them to bear my name. I invited them to be part of my life and I theirs. I adopted them.
What I’m beginning to learn is that the church is becoming more concerned with the adaption more than the adoption of a dying and hurting world. We have begun to measure success by how effectively people have adapted to our church cultures more than the effectiveness of our churches at adopting people. In my spirit I see people that are pursuing Christ or on the verge of exploring their desire of Him as children that are in need of a spiritual home. These people are at a point in their spiritual knowledge that they don't understand the need to modify their behaviors. They don't understand their "special needs." They don't call sin, sin. They don't refer to themselves as lost. They don't understand what the Bible says nor do they care for the most part. They simply understand a need to belong and be loved. Everyone wants to be loved. It's a basic and primary need in all of us.
The church culture communicates a mixed message to a world that finds itself on the outside looking in. It says in many ways, "If you want our love then you need to change first." We don't say it like that, but we demonstrate how proud we are of people based on their progress to adapt. We praise their involvement and commend them for their faithfulness, especially tithers. We assume that people that actually "get it" are the people that we invest in the most. Those that struggle to meet our expectations in many ways get placed on the sidelines and in many cases, simply forgotten. We want them to understand the first day in our home that they need to dress differently. They need to talk differently. They need to live differently. And until they do many times they don't receive our love.
The church in my eyes lately has shown the inability to embrace people when they don't meet our expectations. We have experienced epic failure at communicating that personal failure does not cost you our love. We have communicated that failure will cost you your titles, positions and prominence within the family and then cost you your family altogether. We have told people to find new homes because they took too long to adapt, or adapted in different ways than we wanted, or simply fell after we thought they were one of the family. It would break my heart to think that one of my children simply behaves for fear of losing their family. The thought that one of my boys might wake up tomorrow wondering if I was going to give them away because they disappointed me would devastate my world. But honestly, people that find themselves on the outskirts of our Christian community don't capture my heart at all sometimes. People fall through the cracks of our churches daily and many are never thought of again.
I’m not saying that sin issues shouldn’t be issues. I’m saying that sin issues should be understood as sin issues and addressed with restoration in mind, not divorce. I’m saying that unspiritual people shouldn’t be held to standards of the spiritually mature. I’m saying that spiritual infants will act like infants and all the spiritual braw beating in the world won’t cause them to grow any faster in their pursuit of the King. I’m asking the question, “Do we understand that reaching out to a fallen world is messy?” Their lives are filled with chaos and many of their realities don’t have easy answers. They carry deep hurts and wounds that cause them to act out. They don’t play well with others sometimes. They will at times disappoint us, but at the end of the day is our focus on helping people adapt to our church cultures or helping people see that they are adopted by the King? Adoption is not for the faint of heart, but carries some of the richest blessings. Who have you adopted lately?
3 comments:
Hi Korey,
Thanks for posting your thoughts. I love how you are seeing people over church here, the individual as having intrinsic value and worth, each of us having a God story that it is worth others hearing.
As we were talking the other day this article came to mind. It is academic, but wonderfully shows the limitations of church/Christianity as a bounded set. (This will make sence when you read it.) I would love to hear your thoughts.
You can download it from the All4Him site here. http://all4him.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/Centred Set.doc
Blessings
This is yet another one of my favorite posts of yours. Truth spoken in such an amazing way. Thanks for sharing. Even though I'm a follower, I missed a couple of weeks of "blogosphere" and missed this. Glad I went looking!
Thanks to the both of you. If you know of any others that may be encouraged by these writings feel free to pass them along. I pray the Lord is richly blessing both of you in some mighty ways!
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