April 19, 2010

Does it not bring you joy to see how as a Christ follower you continue to see old concepts revealing new truths in your life? I’ve been journeying through the concepts of adoption and adaption for some time now and I continue to land on a single principle in His Word. Proverbs 22:6 communicates, “Train up a child in the way he should go so that when they are old they shall not depart from it." To me personally the heartbeat of this verse speaks to much more than we have traditionally taught. I say that because this was a pivotal verse that continually spoke to the purpose of discipline in the home that I grew up in as a child. It was that verse and the one about some rod that my dad tattooed on my backside most of my childhood. The question that I’m wrestling with now is whether we have chosen for this verse about training to communicate through the lens of adaption verses adoption.

We are what we know in so many ways. We mimic what is modeled and we embrace what is comfortable. What makes us comfortable with this verse in the life of the church and our homes is that it places control and power into the hands of the one doing the training. We assume that the role and responsibility placed on the trainer is much greater than it truly is. Don’t mistake what I’m saying. I do believe there is a responsibility on the trainer, but not for the result of the one being trained.

See, I discipline my children and I teach and model truth to them in ways that constantly feel insufficient to me. I get so angry and frustrated when they, in my eyes, disregard my training. This is partly because I feel responsible for their behavior and I see it as a reflection of my involvement in their life. I always thought I would be that cool dad who was popular with my kids friends. It’s like I was trying to make up for lost time in high school or something. I was making my own groupies. However, once reality sets in and I allow my controlling nature to rise up I begin disciplining in ways that make my children conform to my idea of a model citizen. I want them to act like I act and live like I live. Side note: unity is not found in conformity. My wrestling is found in the true relationship in my role as disciplinarian and the outcome of my training.  I think the church in many ways has mistaken this concept as well with our drive-by-guiltings on our people.

Look at the verse again. “Train up a child in the way he should go…” See I always thought I knew the best way my child should go. My culture tells me as a father that I know best… we had a television show with that title so that must make it truth. In the end though the outcome is based on the direction the Lord has for my child. “The way he should go” is not dependant on my opinions or what I think is best. God has wired my children with passions and giftedness that are not mine. It means I have to begin to trust that through my faithfulness as a trainer that the Lord will produce in them the understanding of His way for them. His way is not always my way. No matter how hard it is to see my children make choices that I would make differently, I have to remember that God has a way planned for them. The same is true in the church. Adoption is admitting that I can only provide care and love, but adaption is assuming my way for a hurting world is better than His way.

If I learn to be faithful with my role then I have to become comfortable and content with His. I don’t want my children to conform or adapt to my will, but His. Adopting those around me means I love them in spite of their actions. That doesn't mean my heart won't break, but adopting means I can’t always control the outcome. It means that I’m waiting with arms wide open when they come to an understanding of His will in their lives. Our desire should be that through consistancy and faithfulness as trainers then His will will not be departed from as they grow older.  My prayer is that the church universal and my own heart will become content with our roles as trainers and that we can let the conformity take place in the relationship between our people/children and their God. Lord help me to trust that in my faithfulness and consistancy your Word will not return void.

                                                                                                                                          April 14, 2010

Have you ever wondered what people within the life of the church would think if they knew the real you? That voice telling you that you wouldn't be welcome if the church uncovered your private sin in a public manner? It's a miserable thing when that shame and guilt creep in telling us that we would be unlovable by God's people if they knew the real us. My struggle lately is that I’m not sure that this emotion isn't more truthful than not. I'm beginning to see that the spirit of restoration inside the local church is a lost art form. I'm beginning to see a spirit in the church that models the difference between adaption verses adoption.

Some of you may not understand that I'm the father of two adopted little boys. Little boys that came to us with needs that were beyond our comprehension at the time. Needs that society would garnish over them with politically correct phrases like "special needs" or "mental retardation." Their vocabulary was delayed and their social skills are inept at times. They don't act the way that a lot of other children act in certain situations. They struggle academically and act out when they get frustrated in ways that scare people who don't understand their demeanor. However, none of those things prevent me from being their dad. None of those things make me shun them when they don't meet expectations. The reality of it all is that I've come to the point of accepting them and their issues. I know I can either embrace them or continue to force something upon them that they don't understand. I can assume that I'm smart enough to modify their behavior when they don't understand that there's a problem to modify.

I see the way people look at them and how at times their treated differently than other children. I see how some people are uncomfortable with them and are fearful of what they may do. I've struggled with this because I want them to be like me. I want them to be accepted. I want them to be noticed for all the right reasons. However, the simple fact of the matter is they may never match up to any of my standards when it's all said and done. The question is, am I alright with that? The answer is yes. See I adopted them. That means I took them to be my own. I didn't simply give them a place to visit or live in; I choose them to bear my name. I invited them to be part of my life and I theirs. I adopted them.

What I’m beginning to learn is that the church is becoming more concerned with the adaption more than the  adoption of a dying and hurting world. We have begun to measure success by how effectively people have adapted to our church cultures more than the effectiveness of our churches at adopting people. In my spirit I see people that are pursuing Christ or on the verge of exploring their desire of Him as children that are in need of a spiritual home. These people are at a point in their spiritual knowledge that they don't understand the need to modify their behaviors. They don't understand their "special needs." They don't call sin, sin. They don't refer to themselves as lost. They don't understand what the Bible says nor do they care for the most part. They simply understand a need to belong and be loved. Everyone wants to be loved. It's a basic and primary need in all of us.

The church culture communicates a mixed message to a world that finds itself on the outside looking in. It says in many ways, "If you want our love then you need to change first." We don't say it like that, but we demonstrate how proud we are of people based on their progress to adapt. We praise their involvement and commend them for their faithfulness, especially tithers. We assume that people that actually "get it" are the people that we invest in the most. Those that struggle to meet our expectations in many ways get placed on the sidelines and in many cases, simply forgotten. We want them to understand the first day in our home that they need to dress differently. They need to talk differently. They need to live differently. And until they do many times they don't receive our love.

The church in my eyes lately has shown the inability to embrace people when they don't meet our expectations. We have experienced epic failure at communicating that personal failure does not cost you our love. We have communicated that failure will cost you your titles, positions and prominence within the family and then cost you your family altogether. We have told people to find new homes because they took too long to adapt, or adapted in different ways than we wanted, or simply fell after we thought they were one of the family. It would break my heart to think that one of my children simply behaves for fear of losing their family. The thought that one of my boys might wake up tomorrow wondering if I was going to give them away because they disappointed me would devastate my world. But honestly, people that find themselves on the outskirts of our Christian community don't capture my heart at all sometimes. People fall through the cracks of our churches daily and many are never thought of again.

I’m not saying that sin issues shouldn’t be issues. I’m saying that sin issues should be understood as sin issues and addressed with restoration in mind, not divorce. I’m saying that unspiritual people shouldn’t be held to standards of the spiritually mature. I’m saying that spiritual infants will act like infants and all the spiritual braw beating in the world won’t cause them to grow any faster in their pursuit of the King. I’m asking the question, “Do we understand that reaching out to a fallen world is messy?” Their lives are filled with chaos and many of their realities don’t have easy answers. They carry deep hurts and wounds that cause them to act out. They don’t play well with others sometimes. They will at times disappoint us, but at the end of the day is our focus on helping people adapt to our church cultures or helping people see that they are adopted by the King? Adoption is not for the faint of heart, but carries some of the richest blessings.  Who have you adopted lately?

                                                                                                                                             April 8, 2010

So I’ve been doing some writing for my own personal benefit, however I haven’t written much for the general public lately. But I return today with some questions that I can’t seem to move beyond in my personal journey as a pastor and follower of Christ. Recently I’ve been finding myself at a point in my spiritual journey that causes me to question the purpose and intent of many different things. Things like parenting, the church, community and my life purpose in Christ.

This past week my attention was captured by local church advertising that came in the mail or was placed on my lawn, (yes, eggs filled with church advertising that were hidden in my lawn). Each piece of information was to promote Easter. You know that time of year where Christians worldwide remember the body and blood that was broken and spilled out for the remission of sins. You know what moment I'm talking about right, that moment in history where Jesus Christ went to the cross to die an unimaginably cruel and brutal death as a sacrifice for all mankind? The moment where Jesus died so I might have new life. Yeah, that moment we call Easter. Well, typically the church planter in me quickly scans the publication to critique and determine how I would have done it differently. It’s a curse that I can’t seem to get beyond. However, over the past couple of weeks my attention was taken by their content more than layout or design. It was the subject matter that our churches were broadcasting about Easter that has me conflicted.

Five different times I saw ads by local churches that communicated to a predominantly unchurched community that Easter was a time to come and join their egg hunts, to jump in the bounce houses, experience the helicopter flying in for the egg drop, or take family pictures with the Easter bunny. Not one ad that I saw spoke the name of Jesus or invited someone to hear about his name. They didn’t mention worship or even hint at a corporate gathering. In my mind this spoke to the core of what our churches were advertising. Not life change, but acceptance. You see advertising is a single component of the marketing process. It's the part that involves getting the word out concerning your business, product, or the services you are offering. These messages about our churches presented a mixed signal to me.

What struck me so deeply is the duplicity of what our churches are offering. As Christians we think through a Christian lens that is geared to filtering things inside a Christian arena: i.e. a church setting or outreach event. However, the unchurched population thinks much differently. I believe the unchurched population sees straight through our shallow advertising ploys and sees our attempts as a bait and switch or spiritual ploy to a deeper agenda. It communicates that the outsider of the local church is unintelligent. My point being… If our attempt to speak the Word of Christ into their lives has to be masked with a cultural icon like the Easter bunny or egg hunts why do we think the Word or testimony of Christ will make any difference at all? If we were to say that simply inviting people to worship with us is not attractive to the general public then how can we not say that a bait and switch mentality is not at play in our churches?

We are admittedly saying that people need some other reason to come and see what Christ is all about in order to find him. Well if that is true what are they really finding? Big events, social activities, day care? Is the church becoming another community organizer that simply promotes opportunities for anyone and all to come and join in? Are we on the same path as a YMCA? We would clamor at that thought and vehemently oppose that assumption, but what if we stopped advertising events like this? Would our churches die? Would we decline in numbers? Many would say yes. They would state that the church must have outreach events such as these to draw people that would otherwise never hear the gospel. My fear with that thinking is our attempt to remove the sovereignty of God. My fear is that we think our egg hunts and Easter pictures are more intrinsic to the gospel message than the gospel itself. (Side note: outreach in my opinion does not happen on our turf. It is the church going to culture to meet them where they are.)

The road we find ourselves on is one of cultural relevance. We debate it left and right. So who wins at the end of the day if our gospel message becomes culturally relevant? It never was and never will be in my opinion. Christ was not culturally relevant nor was he culturally accepted. Why then do we so desperately want our churches to be embraced by the unchurched world? I see an overtly different reality of churches embracing the hurting, bruised, broken, and dyeing world as something totally different than our churches being embraced by that same context. I hear it now that we the church need to be more active and involved in reaching the community! I whole heartedly agree. But by what means? Do we substitute truth with a social gospel? No. Do we shut the door and dwell in our holy huddles? No. Do we make people change before they can be accepted into our churches? No. Do we close out the outside world and simply exist in our own worlds? No. We live the gospel. We teach people what it means to love one another. We model to our people what it looks like to reach out to our hurting neighbors. We demonstrate to a hurting world how we speak into the dark places of life with words of hope. What are we saying by mixing the message of hope and Christ with messages that simply make the gospel of Christ comparative to the Easter bunny?

Teaching people how to share their spiritual journey in Christ is far more relevant and life changing than hosting community gatherings. You’re saying that it takes both, and maybe it does, but for some reason we focus on the latter cause it’s easier. It doesn’t require them to give anything other than time. It doesn’t cost them anything. Teaching our people to live outreach is hard. So at the end of the day we teach our people that the church needs another event in order for them to do outreach. We are deceiving our own people into thinking they can’t effect a lost world without the church. We are called to make disciples, plain and simple. What are we doing?

Next on the writing schedule… parenting and the journey it has shown me.