January 31, 2023

The jaded heart is a deadly thing.  It taints the well of goodness and prevents us from seeing the character of God and the beauty of His creation both around us and in us.  The jaded heart is a sneaky thing.  It captures our affections like a slow burn creeps across the low lying grass of an open field.  It doesn't happen overnight and it rarely shows its plan for the future. It simply blinds the heart from seeing what is meant for our good and exchanges it for what is potentialy evil.  The jaded heart is wrapped in a hope that reveals itself as powerless, petty, and pushy.  It robes faith.  It robes joy and ultimately robs our strength.  Why? Because the joy of the Lord is our strength. And when our joy is robed our strength is the unfortunate recipient of those effects.

I've wrestled with a jaded heart in matters of the church and the people that make up the beautiful bride of Christ.  My jaded heart wasn't derived from a moment or a person, but a collective of the sort.  Over time I watched good intentions turn selfish and "goals" masked in vernacular of ministry.  I saw the industry of Christianity and the Christian Church become a machine that created with superb strokes of genius.  The problem was our strokes of genius pointed to the wrong artist.  They pointed to self, not the creator of self.  It drew people to a personality.  I drew people to an art form, not the ultimate Artist.  

But God has continued to show me that "the worshiping heart does not create its Object." A.W. Tozer points out in The Pursuit Of God, "that faith creates nothing. It simply reckons upon that which is already there."  See, my jaded heart wasn't the product of what had happened to me or of that which I had witnessed.  No, it was a product of what I chose to put my faith in.  I had found that I was more intent on following the visible verse the invisible that existed to draw my heart to its passions for me.  I was more content in believing there was God and yet, at the same time, failing to believe in Him.  The visible had become the enemy of the invisible and my heart was captured in a futile faith that couldn't stand in the midst of superb strokes of genius.  It crumbled. The journey of the jaded heart had begun.  

I was seeking the evidence of God in man.  My heart wasn't just jaded, it had become restless and my lens of seeking him had become skewed.  And when we can't see clearly we can't believe accurately.  Hebrews 11:6 states, "And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek Him."  The jaded heart misdirects the object of our faith.  And that heart can only be changed when our mind does.  Only when what I seek is Him not his blessing, not His favor and not my good.  When I want his presence, a conscience experience of His majesty, more than I want a result that gives me a cheap sense of satisfaction the jaded heart shatters. When I seek Him verses the desires of my heart, I recognize the spiritual, invisible strokes of His genius.  See the result of truly seeking Him is not simply the cure for the jaded heart, it's so much more. Seeking Him and His desires for my heart in turn realign my desires to His.  It's a beautiful thing to know that God's heart has never been jaded toward me.