April 30, 2012

I've often criticized traditions or customs from older days that I felt were outdated or unnecessary without ever understanding why those practices were there in the first place.  A large part of that immaturity in my life is rooted in arrogance that thinks my ways are better.  The older I get the more I see this in me and I work diligently at breaking this prideful mindset.  Today's reading in 2 Samuel 6:3 showed me once again that God's ways don't need my input or expertise to improve them, but that obedience to the old ways will do just fine.

Here we have King David doing a good thing in bringing the ark of God back to the city of David, but there is a small detail that sticks out in my mind.  In verse 3 is states, "They placed the ark of God on a new cart that they might bring it from the house of Abinadab which was on the hill; and Uzzah and Ahio, the sons of Abinadab, were leading the new cart." I'm sure everyone thought this moment would be filled with joy and excitement as they danced and celebrated the return of the ark, but instead if was one of grief and loss as they gave way to their own arrogance.  In the midst of doing something great they brought their new and improved ways to the event and forgot the instructions of the Lord.  Some young guy like myself thought to himself, "Why not use a new cart that will make things easier and faster?  I'm sure no one wants to use those old acacia wood polls and have to lug that heavy thing down the mountain."  However, when the ox stumbled and Uzzah put his hand on the ark to settle it, it cost him his life.

Here is the problem with our way of thinking, it's not God's way of thinking.  When God gives clear direction in my life His desire is not for me to improve it, it's to obey it.  If I'm ever going to understand a depth of maturity in my walk with Christ I have to put my ego aside and understand a humbleness that leads to a right understanding of my place before Christ.  God doesn't need my help to make the christian life easier or more productive.  He needs me to come to a place of reliance and understanding that His Ways are enough and that sometimes the heart of what I deem tradition has a rightful place and purpose in this spiritual journey.

Father today I want to acknowledge that I'm not always comfortable with your ways, but I want to be.  I want to depend on You for my direction and purpose.  I want to trust in You with all my heart and lean not in my own understanding.  I want to acknowledge Your ways in order for You to direct my path.  I want to grow in You.  Thank you for loving me in spite of my pride.  I love You Father.

                                                                                                                                           April 5, 2012

The older I get the more and more I feel like I'm not at home here.  I'm not talking about Pueblo, CO or even the past places of Hawaii or Denver.  I'm talking about earth.  It's that feeling that everything seems foreign or out of place in my mind.  It's that round peg in a square hole feeling.  It's not a glaring thing or even an unsettling thing, it's just a feeling that seems to drip its influence into regular everyday life.

Today I read Ruth 1 & 2, Psalm 53 & 61 and 2 Corinthians 5.  It's Paul's words in 2 Cor. that permeate within me.  These are words that bring great courage and hope into the future that my Father has for me.  The words of Paul are words that speak to a great future and home.  It's found in 2 Cor. 5:8 that says, "We are of good courage, I say, and prefer rather to be absent from the body and to be at home with the Lord."  To be at home is a good feeling after a long trip or a long day at work.  There is something about home that makes life a little more settled and calming.  However, the thought of being at home with the Lord is an amazing thought that brings me great joy.  It allows me to understand that this isn't as good as it's going to get.

I've been criticized before by believers that feel that I have some death wish or that I don't cherish life here as I should.  It's not that I don't dearly love my family or enjoy the ministry that God has blessed me with, but it's a soul thing.  There is something in my heart that constantly reminds me that I'm not at home here.  The beauty of that unsettled feeling is what produces an ambition to please Him here in what I do.  And within that ambition it makes the thought of that moment I enter eternity with my King a sweeter experience. It's kind of like when I walk through the door after a long day and say, "Honey, I'm home."  and I hear my kids yell, "Daddy's home!" and life settles for a brief moment.  It's that moment when I scream, "Daddy I'm home!" and know that He enjoys the thought of his child being home that reminds me that He loves me deeper than I truly understand.  But until then, I understand that verse 15 remains... "and He died for all, so that they who live might no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died and rose again on their behalf."

Father, today I recognize your goodness that has been demonstrated on my behalf.  Thank You for dieing for me and stirring my spirit to acknowledge my need for You.  May my heart, mind, soul and spirit be focused on You and Your desires for my life.  I want to understand faithfulness in my walk and my words as I seek to serve You and your Bride.  Thank You Father for all that You have done and I say thank You for all that I know You are going to do.  Father, I love You....

                                                                                                                                               April 2, 2012

I had dinner the other night with a guy that made the statement, "I don't judge nobody."  That statement stuck in my mind for a few days as I asked myself the question, "How often do I really judge others in my everyday life?"  Today as I was reading in the book of Judges, without realizing it, I answered that question in my heart with unsettling clarity.  The Word revealed that I have a tendency to frequently gauge my place before God in accordance with how God viewed people of status in scripture.  What I mean by that is simple.  I think I'm better than people, well, not better than them, I just think God loves me more.  That's messed up, right?

Well, today I was reading about Sampson in Judges 13-16.  Here Sampson's life is chronicled from his birth to his death in just three chapters.  But these three chapters are full of excerpts that were pivotal life moments. Monumental moments that I might just pass over if I were in a hurry to read through this book.  These moments clarify his calling as a Nazirite, they detail his lifestyle as a womanizer, they capture his anger and they point to his pride and arrogance as a man of great strength.  He marries a Philistine women against the wishes of his parents.  He spends the night with a harlot in Gaza after his wife dies. He burns the crops of the Philistines by catching three hundred foxes, and taking a torch, and then he turned the foxes tail to tail while putting the torch in the middle between the two tails. This is anger at its finest.  He allows Delilah, another women he's just sleeping with, to deceive him. He willing placed himself in a place of temptation and he ends up giving up his secret to his God given strength after she lies to him three times.  His arogance puts him in a place that ultimately led to his capture, torture and death by his own hands.

So much to talk about there, but the bottom line came in the last verse of chapter sixteen. Judges 16:31 "Then his brothers and all his father's household came down, took him, brought him up and buried him between Zorah and Eshtaol in the tomb of Manoah his father. Thus he had judged Israel twenty years." What? Did that just say he had judged Israel for twenty years?  I didn't read anything about him judging the people of Israel.  I read three chapters about a guy that lived a pitiful lifestyle and allowed his poor choices to ultimately place him in captivity... Then I heard it clearly, "So you think you're better than him?"  If I'm going to be honest in my writing I have to say that my answer was way to quick..."Yes".  If God used him than I'm gold!  I flipped through all my life choices that I've propped myself up with to make me feel superior and said I'm better than him.  Then God showed up like he normally does and said, "Not on your best day are you worth more than a pile of minstrel rages in my sight."  Today I was reminded of the power of God's grace.  My life apart from Christ is worthless.  It's Christ in me that gives me my worth as His adopted child.  Through the redeeming message of Christ on the cross I find my place of humility and brokenness before a Holy God that desires to use my broken pieces to bring Him glory.  In Christ alone...

Father, I'm pretty messed up most of the time.  I want to say thank you for caring enough about this broken creature to usher me into your Kingdom through Your saving grace.  It's by the price of Your Son that forgiveness gives me any hope in this crazy messed up thing called life.  I ask today that You give me a Christ like lens to view this world around me.  Break this judgemental spirit in me that creeps in more than I care to admit.  Help me today to recognize my place in You.  Father, I love You.