When Silence Breaks
Published by Korey Buchanek under on 4:05 PM
February 15, 2011
A hush… No soft tones or even a whisper, but silence. A silence that lasts for far more than a night. Days, weeks and even months of wonder have left their stain. Wonder that resonated with the question of, "When would I hear His voice again?". It is part of a journey that I contend every believer in Christ muddles through at some point or another. Its result is different for many and its purpose is even more mysterious for the truthful. The “Why’s?” and the “What for’s?” are inevitable in this season, but the answers remain so often left in the silence.
For the past six months I’ve been as silent on my blog as God has been with me. The sense of emptiness in the air has been suffocating at times and fascinating at others. And for those that truly know me they have witnessed my emotion and at times have wrestled with my responses. Many have prayed with me, however if honesty is present my omission is that many were simply praying for me. It has been a sort of tit-for-tat reality with me lately. Sadly, the idea of thinking that He doesn’t want to speak with me leads to the harmful nature of thinking that I just won’t speak to Him either. Selfishness that is rooted in pity is an ugly sight to behold, but it’s real.
Over the past seven months I have lived on the Big Island of Hawaii with nothing more than responsibility to a job. It is a job that for the most part I understand fairly well. I know the details that are involved and the requirements that it places on me, but nonetheless it has been a job. This job started with an unction that very few would understand. An unction that compelled me to leave a church that we were allowed to found, create and invest our lives in. Unction to leave a people that held our hearts and travel to the middle of the Pacific Ocean and start over. It was filled with confirmations of scripture and the affirmations of people that found their way into our lives. It was clear and yet far from comfortable. To many it was risky and audacious. To me it was just simply about obedience.
However, all that confirmation came before the silence. It was like hearing the voice of God right up to the moment that air filled the cabin of that Boeing 717 moments before deboarding on the runway of Kona International Airport. No warning, no reason, no explanation. I don’t have the privilege of saying that I handled this season of silence well. It’s more like this season has handled me. There have been better days than others with some moments of joy sprinkled throughout. Yet if I was asked to describe it with one word it would be relatively easy for me to do so… hard. I can hear you all the way from the Mainland, “It’s real hard to suffer in paradise” or “Stop whining already, you live in Hawaii.” The fact of the matter is that paradise without the voice of the Father is worse than years in the dessert with it.
This past week God showed me that Nehemiah lived in this silence for four months. With a heavy heart and a broken spirit he waited for God to open a door for a movement of His Spirit. For four months he prayed and fasted wondering what God would have him do. Desperately desiring to be more than a cup bearer to the king, he waited through the silence. We don’t see why it took four months nor do we understand what God was doing during the four months. The fact of the matter was that Nehemiah had an obligation to wait as patiently as he knew how knowing that any other course of action could cost him his life before the king. Nehemiah was brought to a place of understanding that regardless of what he thought he could accomplish in his own heart, his dreams were pointless without the hand of the Father being upon him. History shows that because of an edict formally signed by the King eleven years prior there was absolutely nothing Nehemiah could have done without the king’s permission. Not only did he need the king’s permission he needed his blessing. This blessing would have to go beyond the approval of an idea, but would require the resources and support necessary to accomplish it.
Did you hear that? That was the sound silence makes when it breaks after a long pause. I’m finding that silence breaks when there is willingness, and maybe even desperation of sorts, to place God’s voice above the voice of our own personal pursuits. God’s showing me that my plans and ambition are being thwarted by the need for Godly blessing. It’s understanding that my job isn’t about me or my thoughts of glorified pursuits, but about God’s Kingdom being furthered for His name, not mine. It’s finding room for Him to move and accomplish His desires in me and through me. It's waiting, trusting, praying, and seeing the moment to testify on behalf of the one true King.
A hush… No soft tones or even a whisper, but silence. A silence that lasts for far more than a night. Days, weeks and even months of wonder have left their stain. Wonder that resonated with the question of, "When would I hear His voice again?". It is part of a journey that I contend every believer in Christ muddles through at some point or another. Its result is different for many and its purpose is even more mysterious for the truthful. The “Why’s?” and the “What for’s?” are inevitable in this season, but the answers remain so often left in the silence.
For the past six months I’ve been as silent on my blog as God has been with me. The sense of emptiness in the air has been suffocating at times and fascinating at others. And for those that truly know me they have witnessed my emotion and at times have wrestled with my responses. Many have prayed with me, however if honesty is present my omission is that many were simply praying for me. It has been a sort of tit-for-tat reality with me lately. Sadly, the idea of thinking that He doesn’t want to speak with me leads to the harmful nature of thinking that I just won’t speak to Him either. Selfishness that is rooted in pity is an ugly sight to behold, but it’s real.
Over the past seven months I have lived on the Big Island of Hawaii with nothing more than responsibility to a job. It is a job that for the most part I understand fairly well. I know the details that are involved and the requirements that it places on me, but nonetheless it has been a job. This job started with an unction that very few would understand. An unction that compelled me to leave a church that we were allowed to found, create and invest our lives in. Unction to leave a people that held our hearts and travel to the middle of the Pacific Ocean and start over. It was filled with confirmations of scripture and the affirmations of people that found their way into our lives. It was clear and yet far from comfortable. To many it was risky and audacious. To me it was just simply about obedience.
However, all that confirmation came before the silence. It was like hearing the voice of God right up to the moment that air filled the cabin of that Boeing 717 moments before deboarding on the runway of Kona International Airport. No warning, no reason, no explanation. I don’t have the privilege of saying that I handled this season of silence well. It’s more like this season has handled me. There have been better days than others with some moments of joy sprinkled throughout. Yet if I was asked to describe it with one word it would be relatively easy for me to do so… hard. I can hear you all the way from the Mainland, “It’s real hard to suffer in paradise” or “Stop whining already, you live in Hawaii.” The fact of the matter is that paradise without the voice of the Father is worse than years in the dessert with it.
This past week God showed me that Nehemiah lived in this silence for four months. With a heavy heart and a broken spirit he waited for God to open a door for a movement of His Spirit. For four months he prayed and fasted wondering what God would have him do. Desperately desiring to be more than a cup bearer to the king, he waited through the silence. We don’t see why it took four months nor do we understand what God was doing during the four months. The fact of the matter was that Nehemiah had an obligation to wait as patiently as he knew how knowing that any other course of action could cost him his life before the king. Nehemiah was brought to a place of understanding that regardless of what he thought he could accomplish in his own heart, his dreams were pointless without the hand of the Father being upon him. History shows that because of an edict formally signed by the King eleven years prior there was absolutely nothing Nehemiah could have done without the king’s permission. Not only did he need the king’s permission he needed his blessing. This blessing would have to go beyond the approval of an idea, but would require the resources and support necessary to accomplish it.
Did you hear that? That was the sound silence makes when it breaks after a long pause. I’m finding that silence breaks when there is willingness, and maybe even desperation of sorts, to place God’s voice above the voice of our own personal pursuits. God’s showing me that my plans and ambition are being thwarted by the need for Godly blessing. It’s understanding that my job isn’t about me or my thoughts of glorified pursuits, but about God’s Kingdom being furthered for His name, not mine. It’s finding room for Him to move and accomplish His desires in me and through me. It's waiting, trusting, praying, and seeing the moment to testify on behalf of the one true King.
